A Darker Set of Truths
by XxAyu-chanxX
Summary: Eri finds herself at rock bottom. Her brother tries to get her better, and get access to the best help she can possibly get, but Eri's worried that her demons may be too strong. Enter in the Host Club! This set of friends will make sure they do their best to keep her out of trouble, but what will happen when too many old memories resurface? Will she find peace?
1. Chapter 1

I was dying. I couldn't believe this. I'd spent my life being a shitty person and this is what I got. I had managed to kill myself. I couldn't help but smile as the thought crossed my mind. My heart was beating so slowly, it was a miracle that it hadn't stopped yet. Here I was, dying. 17 years in the world and it was all for nothing. I felt the blood run down my face, but I couldn't do anything about it. I was over dosing, and I couldn't stop it. I realized horribly, that this wasn't the way I wanted to go out, in a drug den on the floor with no one around me. I tried to reach into my pocket to get my phone, but I couldn't manage it. I couldn't lift my arms or move my body the way I wanted to. I was going to die here, and that was going to be the end of my story. I wanted to laugh, but I was so weak I couldn't get it out. My vision was going fuzzy, the edges turning black. So this was it huh? I guess I would have to make my peace with that. I shut my eyes, too tired to keep them open. My last moments were going to be spent in this hell hole, and I couldn't do anything about it.

* * *

I heard a faint beeping noise as I came to. I had no idea where I was, but it smelled like a hospital. Maybe this is what hell truly smelled like. Although the stale scent of piss was pretty close. I didn't want to open my eyes. I wasn't even sure if I could. My lids felt so heavy, my chest hurt, my head hurt. Everything in me hurt. I let out a groan as I decided to open my eyes. I was in a hospital. I could tell by the ceiling tiles, and the whiteness of it all. I looked over to see the heart monitor beeping away next to me, the IV on the other side. Not hell, but pretty close. I didn't want to move. My whole body ached. I hadn't had any drugs in how long, and I knew this was part of the withdrawal. I'd felt it before when I was trying to stay off sick, and it was not a pleasant feeling.

"Oh! You're finally awake! Let me go alert your family," a voice said. I looked over to see a nurse with a pleasant smile on her face as she left the room again.

My family? Great. This was going to be good. I can only imagine what my aunt and uncle were going to say to me. This was going to be the worst awakening yet. It was bad the first time when my aunt had started crying at the sight of me. By now, they had basically given up on me, and left me to my own devices. Who would have guessed a rich kid would be a drug addict, right? Certainly not them. They kept my problems as secret as they could, but it was hard to dismiss when their neice would show up to parties tweaking out on coke.

The nurse led in my brother, of all people, instead of my aunt and uncle. I gave him a confused look as he came to my bedside and hugged me tightly. Maybe they weren't here. Maybe they didn't even want to come. Part of me hoped they decided to disown me, and leave me to rot in hell where I belonged.

"Eri? How are you?" Ichiro asked.

"How do you think I am?" I choked out. My mouth was dry. He poured me a glass of water and I took a long drink from the cup. "I almost died, I'm going through withdrawal and I feel like I should be dead. Does that answer your question?"

He looked at me sadly. "Eri, please don't be like that. I'm here because I love you. Aunt Akari and Uncle Hibiki didn't want to show up to see you like this. I took off work to come and see you."

"Good," I spit as I set my cup down. "I didn't want to see them anyway. Fuck them."

"Eri! Please! We're in a hospital!"

I shrugged. I didn't ask to be here. I didn't ask for some idiot to save my life. I tried to save my own, and wasn't able to. I was sure I was dead this time. I hadn't been at home for this over dose. My aunt and uncle still let me live in their house, for whatever stupid reason even after having found me near death once before. I think they hoped I would change my ways. I never did. It was always the same. They were stupid for letting me stay with them. All it did was fund my habits.

"I'm taking you home with me this time. I want you to get better. I don't want my only sister dying on me. They're planning to discharge you tomorrow now that you're awake. I want to get you the best care possible.

I was silent for a minute. "What if I don't want to get better, Ichiro? What if I want to stick to my old ways and just finally die in peace? Did you ever think of that?" I wasn't harsh. There was pain in my voice. My pain ran deep. I didn't want to deal with it anymore. I just wanted to be alone, and left to die. I didn't think it was all that much to ask for.

"I don't care. You're my sister. You're all I have left, Eri. You need help. I will provide you with that help. We'll get you back in school, and everything. I can put you in a great private school where I know you'll thrive. Will you give me a chance?"

I didn't want to, but I felt like I had to try for him. I sighed before I looked at him. "Fine. But if I want to leave at any time, I'm going. You won't stop me."

"I'll do everything in my power to make sure you won't want to leave."

* * *

The car ride to my brother's house was miserable. I hurt so much worse. My joints hurt, my body hurt. It felt like my bones were going to break with every bump in the road, every harsh stop. My fever was out of control, and I was sweating like crazy. First hot, then cold, then chills. I felt nauseated, but managed to keep my stomach contents down during the drive. Ichiro told me to let the driver know if he needed to pull over. So far I was going really good. As soon as the driver parked the car in the driveway, I was out, puking in the yard. This was going to be the worst thing I've ever dealt with. Ichiro led me up to the house and on to the couch in the living room, placing a bucket before me. He grabbed some water and let me have a sip before sitting down next to me.

"It's going to be a rough couple of weeks. I've gotten everything I could possibly think of to help you. I've taken a few extra days, letting them know you were sick and needed me here. I don't trust anyone else to take care of you. I'm having your things brought over tomorrow, but we'll sort through all of the important stuff when you're feeling better."

It took me 4 days of puking my guts up before I could hold down anything remotely like food. Ichiro gave me applesauce and toast just for the time being. There were a few times when I thought I was going to puke that up, but it all managed to settle. I was still in a lot of pain. He gave me acetaminophen to help, but it didn't do anything. At least I could keep it down this time. I wanted to die still, the fever hadn't quite gone away, but it was better than it had been.

By the end of the week, I was feeling almost normal. I'd rather have done a line to help boost me up, but I knew those options were off the table. I was in a new town now, all of my old connections lost when Ichiro took my phone, broke it, and cut the line. He gave me a new phone with a new number. My only contact was him. I laid on his couch, half asleep when he finally came home from work that evening. I hadn't slept that well through being sick, and needed to sleep so badly, but he had managed to interrupt me. He had all of my things sent to his place, but I hadn't even been able to leave the couch to go and start sorting through all of my things. I didn't want to move. I still didn't feel perfectly ok, but it was better than feeling like I was dying.

"You're looking better today," he commented as he sat down beside me.

"Yeah, but I just want to sleep. I slept all day, and was about to doze off before you came home," I replied.

"I'm sorry. I know you want to rest, but we need to talk about some things. First, let's go get some dinner."

His house keeper did the cooking for him, and always made sure there was a meal on the table when he was home. She was a nice, older lady, about mid 40s that made the best smelling food. Of course, for the first few days, it sent me puking my guts up, but I was looking forward to actually tasting the food. She'd made a simple dish of chicken and wild rice tonight, keeping in mind my delicate stomach of course. This woman was going to be my savior. I took a bite and almost screamed. It was so good, nothing seemed to taste better than this.

"So what did you want to talk about?" I asked tentatively.

"I got your enrollment forms for Ouran today. I had them sent to the office. I wanted to start filling them out. I want to get you in there before the semester starts back up. I explained to the head chairman of the school that you'd had some troubles recently and would need some catching up, so he's arranging to have a student in your class come to the house a couple of times a week to catch you up on all that you missed. Next, I've been looking into a therapist as well. I've been looking at credentials and everything else and managed to narrow it down to three. They all specialize in drug and alcohol abuse, and agreed to come to the house for sessions. Your red hair might get you noticed and I figured you'd want this to be private," He explained.

"A therapist? Are you serious right now?" I asked.

"Of course I'm serious. You have a lot of things you need to deal with, Eri. I'm hiring someone to help you. I told you I'd do everything in my power to help you, and that's exactly what I'm doing. If you don't choose a therapist, then I'll pick one for you."

"Fine! Show me their files, and I'll pick."

He smiled as he grabbed three manilla folders from his work bag and pushed them across the table. One was a man, which was automatically out. The other two were women. One was about Aunt Akari's age and the other was about my brothers age. I didn't want someone to play a mom to me so I picked the young one. She had a kind looking face. I pushed the folder back across the table.

"This one. I want this one," I said as I finished off my plate.

"Miss Fumiko then? I'll call her first thing in the morning to get her set up to come to see you before you start school."

I wanted to roll my eyes.

"Finally, I've found an out patient rehab program to put you in. They do weekends, so it won't interfere with school. I've got you set up in the program, but you won't start for a few more weeks. They just need to verify insurance information, and see if there are any out of pocket costs I'll need to cover while you're there. It's for a month, so it won't be too long. However, it's highly recommended that you go. I thought about putting you in a 12 step program, but then things with school would get more complicated. You've already been out for 6 months. I don't want to put you a whole grade behind."

"Out patient rehab?! That means I'll actually have to attend in person!" I groaned.

"Yes, but it's not in a neighborhood nearby. It's about an hour away, so you won't have to worry about being recognized by anyone you know, or anyone at school, ok?"

I sighed and nodded my head. I took my plate to the sink and went back to the couch and threw the blanket over my head. Why did I agree to all of this shit? I couldn't believe I was being roped into all of this. How did he expect me to go to school and handle this like it was nothing? Maybe that wasn't his intention. I know Ichiro just wanted me better, but I was still unsure of whether or not I even wanted to be better.

"Why don't you go up stairs and start getting your things put away, hmm? I'll get started on these papers so I can get them turned into the school," Ichiro said after a moment.

I sighed again before throwing the blanket off, and trudging up the stairs. I just wanted to sleep. I knew things needed done, but I felt like crap. I felt like I hadn't slept in a month (which may or may not be entirely true) and wanted nothing more than to be left alone to be in a small coma for a couple of days. I opened the door to my new room, and started grabbing a box. It was full of clothes, so that should be simple enough. I hung up what went in the closet, and put away what went into the dresser. That, at least, took away most of my work.

I started setting up my posters, and my little figures on the shelves before I finally called it quits. I laid on the bed, turning on the tv. I put on something mindless so I wouldn't be sucked into it. I just wanted background noise to fall asleep to.

* * *

Miss Fumiko came to the house a few days later to get started on our sessions. She told my brother that she wanted to start talking to me before school started just to gauge where I was and how I was feeling. I didn't really want to meet with her, I was still feeling pretty bad by the time the appointment rolled around. I still ached all over, and it didn't seem like it was going to go away any time soon. There was a knock at my bedroom door, I yelled for them to come in, and saw that the housekeeper had shown Miss Fumiko up to my room. I sat up, and let her sit down in my computer chair at my desk.

"Hi, Eri. I'm Fumiko. You and I will be meeting once a week to talk from now on," She said with a pleasant smile.

She seemed like a really nice lady. She was soft spoken with a really cute, short haircut. Her hair was a really nice chestnut brown color, and brown eyes to match. Maybe therapy wouldn't be so bad with someone who seemed as nice as her. However, I was still wary on trusting her.

"So where do we start?" I asked, wanting to get to the point.

"Well, I want to start off by telling you that anything you say to me will not be repeated to anyone else, unless I have suspicion that you are a danger to yourself or others. In that case, then I either have to inform the police, or tell your brother. That can also lead to an admittance into the psychiatric ward of the hospital, ok?"

I nodded.

"So let me ask you a couple of questions. Our goal here is to find a diagnosis so we can better treat you. If you're uncomfortable at any point, just let me know and we'll talk about something else. Do you have feelings of hopelessness?"

"Yeah I suppose," I answered. No point in lying to her. She was supposed to be here to help me, after all.

"What about feelings of guilt, helplessness, and/or worthlessness?" she asked.

I laughed a little. "I'm a drug addict, lady, of course I have those feelings."

"Loss of interest in hobbies?"

I nodded again.

"What about insomnia? Do you have trouble sleeping, or do you sleep too much?"

"Yeah, both I would say. But mostly, I end up sleeping too much."

"Have you had, or do you have suicidal thoughts?"

I nodded.

"Have you hurt yourself at all or recently?"

"No, it's been a couple of weeks."

She wrote some things down on her notebook before looking back up at me. "It sounds like you do have depression. However, whenever we're done, I'm going to give your brother a card for a psychiatrist to come see you. He and I will work together closely to get you a proper diagnosis, and get you on some medication that will work. It won't be easy. Medication changes are usually pretty difficult. We'll also be limited in our options because of your previous drug use. Is that something you'd be up for?"

I sighed. "I don't really have much of a choice. I told Ichiro I'd try, so if this is trying, then you might as well."

"Were you unwilling to undergo the changes you're experiencing?"

"Yes, very much. I didn't want to get better. I'm still unsure of whether or not I want to, honestly. I just feel like he would have been better off if he had just left me be."

"Do you think that maybe you don't deserve to get better?"

I shrugged. "I guess."

"Well, Eri, that's not true. Everyone deserves a chance at life, especially you. You're still young. You don't have a record yet. You can still do so much with your life. Have you ever thought about something you'd like to do in the future?"

I shrugged again. "I thought about art, but I don't really know what I'd do with it. I haven't touched a sketch pad or tried painting in a long time."

I saw a smile grace her lips. "Then I have some homework for you. I want you to start drawing again. Show me three things you've drawn for next week, ok? Our time is up for right now, but I'll be back at the same time next week, and we'll talk some more."

I showed her out, and said goodbye to her to be polite. She left me the card for the psychiatrist since Ichiro had to work late. I set it on the counter and sent him a text, letting him know. School would be starting in a few weeks, which means I had so much mental preparation to do before I would be able to make it through my first day.

 **A/N: This is going to be a really dark story. It's not going to be all hunky dory all the time. There are going to be some really hard things, like drugs, abuse, and probably things like molestation. If you are triggered or uncomfortable with any of these topics, please do not read this story.**


	2. Chapter 2

The first day of school. I wanted to barf as I looked at myself in the mirror and saw how bad the hideous yellow dress looked. This is not how I wanted to look at school. Dresses were uncomfortable. I'd much rather wear pants, but I knew I wouldn't be able to get my way. I was happy that the dress was at least long sleeved. All of my scars would be hidden and no one would ask questions. I grabbed my long, red hair and decided to put it in a braid over my shoulder before I grabbed my bag and headed out of my room.

"Are you excited?" Ichiro asked cheerfully when I joined him for breakfast.

"No. Not in the slightest bit. I want to go back to bed," I grumbled as I ate.

"It'll be fine! I'll drop you off before I go to work. The class rep wants you there a little early so he can show you around, and tell you about your tutor. Hurry up and finish so we can get going!"

He was more excited for my first day than I was. I finished breakfast, brushed my teeth, and met Ichiro in the car. It was a relatively silent ride, but I didn't mind. I stared out the window, looking around. I hadn't really left the house much to explore so I didn't really know where anything was in this town. The school, luckily, wasn't too far away so I didn't have to sit for too long. I was worried I would start to fall asleep if it was a long ride.

"Have a good day! I love you!" Ichiro called.

"Yeah, love you too," I said as I shut the door.

The school was huge. I couldn't believe this place. I sighed as I walked through the gate, and found the main entrance. I was hoping that seeing as I was in 2A I would be on the second floor. I headed up the steps and down a hall, hoping I was going in the right direction. They should have people posted outside so you can ask for directions. There wasn't a soul in sight as I slowly walked, eventually finding the class room. When I opened the door, a boy about my age stood at the podium, fixing papers. He was rather tall, taller than me anyway, with short black hair and glasses.

"Uh, hello?" I said with a shy smile.

"Ah you must be Akiyama Eri, correct?" He asked with a polite smile.

I nodded.

"I am Ooroti Kyouya. I'm the class rep, and I'll also be your tutor to get you caught up. It should only take about 6 months, by my guess, but we'll see where you are once we start. Would you care for a tour of the school?" He asked.

"Yeah, sure. If we've got time," I replied.

He seemed nice enough as we walked around and he showed me where the club rooms, libraries (yes I do mean plural), lunch room, and other classrooms were. It was a really nice school. I couldn't believe this place was so big. I had gone to nice schools before, but this place topped the charts. The ultra rich much be the ones who sent their kids here. How my brother was paying for me to attend the next two years was beyond me, but I didn't question his finances. He had been living on his own for this long, I'm sure he didn't need the queen of horrible ideas getting involved in his money.

"So, Ootori-san, what types of clubs do you have here?" I asked as we made our way back to the classroom.

"There's music clubs, art clubs, and then there's my club."

"Which would be?" I asked with a light laugh in my voice.

"The Host Club. You're more than welcome to stop by and see us, if you'd like," He offered.

I laughed at him, unable to help myself. "The Host Club? That doesn't really sound like my type of thing. Besides, I think I'll be spending enough one on one time with you during tutoring. If anything, art club sounds more like my deal."

"Are you an artist?"

"I wouldn't call myself that. I used to draw and paint, but I haven't done it in a while. Besides, I have a lot of appointments to go to I just don't know if I would be able to keep up with everything honestly. Just too much going on at the moment."

"That's right. The Chairman said you were out of school because of bad health. Are you feeling better?" He sure liked to ask a lot of questions. Good thing he was cute.

"Yeah, a little. But there are still a lot of doctors appointments I have to go to yet."

The rest of the walk was silent. Thankfully he didn't ask anymore questions. If he had wanted me to go in depth about what was wrong with me, I wouldn't be able to think up a very good lie. Then again, it was considered rude to delve into someone's life like that when you didn't really know them. I was happy that he was polite enough to leave things be where the were. I didn't want to have to try and think up a lie, or worse yet, tell him the truth. I wanted all of my secrets to remain secrets for as long as I was here. None of these kids needed to get to know me, or know anything about me. If any of them knew, it would be nothing but judgement. I didn't need that from other people when I judged myself so harshly.

* * *

The day went by surprisingly fast. I skipped lunch, opting for walking around the school instead of showing my face in the lunch room. I didn't want to bother with people trying to talk to me, or being rude. I would rather just keep my head down for the next two years and let people skim passed me. I packed up all of my things, ready to go home, and throw myself down on the couch and sleep. I was about to head out before I remembered that Kyouya and I hadn't talked about tutoring yet. I would need to know my tutoring schedule before I left. I didn't need him showing up at my house when I least expected it.

"Ootori-san, what days were you planning to come and tutor me? I forgot to ask this morning," I said.

"Oh, that's right. Thank you for reminding me. I thought Monday's and Friday's would be good. Seeing as today is a Monday, I'll be over after club activities. So I should be there around 6:30pm. Is that ok?"

I nodded. "Yeah, that's fine. We usually eat around then, so I'll tell the housekeeper to make an extra plate."

"Hey, hey, you're Eri-chan, the new student right?!" A blonde boy beside him asked excitedly.

"Uh yeah, that would be me. You're Suou-san, right?"

"Please, call me Tamaki! It's a pleasure to meet you, Eri-chan!" He took my hand and laid a gentle kiss on my fingers. I felt my face heat up and pulled my hands back. Luckily, he just smiled at me, and didn't take offense.

"Well, boys, it was nice chatting with you, but I must be off. I'll see you later, ok Ootori-san?"

He nodded and waved goodbye as I headed out the door.

I met the driver by the front gate and got into the car. I was happy that little introduction didn't last too long. I knew Tamaki was the head chairman's son, so I wasn't sure how much he really knew about me. I didn't know if he knew about my "health problems" or if his father had even told him anything at all about me. I was hoping his knowledge was little, but who knew how much these people shared with their kids. My aunt and uncle never shared anything with me, even before I was on drugs. Hopefully Tamaki's father was the same way.

I made it home and quickly changed out of that ugly dress. I settled for a pair of jeans and a regular t-shirt, happy to be out of that horrendous outfit. I gagged as I looked at it sitting on my floor. At least I had time to take a nap before Kyouya got to the house. I brought my bag down stairs, and threw myself on the couch. I was happy the day went without incident, no one tried to talk to me, and no one tried to be nice to me. I was an outsider in their world, so I guess warm welcomes were few and far between. My last name wasn't ringing any bells with anyone, and no one had seemed to have heard about me. I wouldn't be surprised if some of the students went home and asked about my family. I'm sure a few were at the parties I'd attended while high. If they had, it would have been a thing to remember.

I managed to fall asleep, and woke up to the door bell ringing. I pulled myself off the couch, realizing the housekeeper was in the middle of preparing dinner. I got up and answered the door, seeing Kyouya standing there.

"Come on in. Dinner isn't quite done yet, and Ichiro isn't home yet so we can get some things done before we eat," I said as I lead him into the living room. We sat down at the table and I started pulling out my homework.

"Have you looked anything over once you got home?" He asked as he did the same.

I felt my cheeks get hot. "Uh well, ya see, I kinda fell asleep on the couch after I changed…"

He shook his head with a small smirk. "Well, how about you go ahead through your subjects, and when you finish with the work, I'll check it over and see what you got wrong. If you have any problems, just let me know. I'll help you along the way. I need a good gauge of where you're abilities are and just how much you missed."

I nodded as I grabbed the first book in the stack. Math. Great. That was my worst subject when sober, and I had been high a lot of the time in school before I just up and quit going. It was going to be rough trying to remember what all I would need to do. I looked over the problems, remembering what we had talked about in class and set to work. I did my best to try and answer all the questions we had, but I knew most of them, if not all, were probably wrong. I handed him the book when I was done and watched him check everything. He must have been mentally checking my answers, because I didn't see him write on anything to check it. Well, someone was a bit of a genius, huh? I just hoped he wouldn't be a complete jerk about my lack of math intelligence.

"For as much as you missed, you didn't do too bad. You missed a couple of problems. I circled them so we can go over them together," he said handing the book back to me.

Wow, his reaction was a bit shocking to me. Usually the smart, rich ones were the assholes. But he moved closer to me after I erased my work and went over the problems with me step by step. The best part about it was that he actually did it in a way that I understood what he was doing. The steps were broken down to the point where there was no question about how the answer.

Ichiro walked in as we were finishing up, and the housekeeper was getting dinner on the table.

"Ah! You must be Eri's tutor. I'm her brother, Ichiro," he said, introducing himself.

"I'm Ootori Kyouya, it's nice to meet you."

"Ootori, huh? I work for your dad's security company. At least I know my sister will be in good hands with you! Your father speaks vary highly of you and your brothers."

"My brothers are very intelligent, powerful men. I could only hope to be a fraction of what they are when I finish my studies."

"Well, thank you, Ootori-san for taking the time out of your busy schedule to help Eri. I'm glad they stuck her with such a good tutor!"

"Please, call me Kyouya, both of you. I'll be spending quite a bit of time here, so I think it's best to familiarize ourselves now, don't you think?"

We sat down to eat, digging into the food.

"So how was your first day, Eri?" Ichiro asked.

I shrugged. "It was fine. It passed by quickly, I suppose."

"That's all you have to report?!" He seemed disappointed.

I laughed. "Well it's not like I'm the poster child for socialization. If you were hoping I'd come home with a dozen friends, you're quite mistaken."

"Give it some time, Eri-san. Our class is full of nice people. I'm sure you'll make friends in no time. If Tamaki has his way, you'll be able to count him among them," Kyouya said with a smile.

 _Too bad I don't plan on letting anyone get close,_ I thought as I ate. "Thank you, Kyouya-san. I appreciate that. Maybe tomorrow will be a little better." _Fat chance._

The rest of the evening went well. Kyouya helped me with my studies, and we kept mostly quiet through the evening. He didn't try to pry into my life and I didn't try to pry into his. I liked it that way. I enjoyed his company so far. He had been nothing but nice all day, and didn't try to nose his way in. I could get used to spending time with someone like him. A silent companion, as it were. Well, mostly silent. By 8:30pm he was getting ready to pack up his things to leave. I wanted to fulfil at least some of my homework requirement for therapy and decided to let him be my subject. With his permission, of course.

"Hey, Kyouya-san. Can you do me a small favor before you leave?" I asked shyly.

"What is it, Eri-san?"

"Can I… draw you?"

He raised a brow in question.

"You don't have to pose or anything, but I'd like to just draw you while you do something mundane, like your homework."

He shrugged, "Sure, the driver won't be here for a little while yet. I have some things to do on the club's website anyhow. Do you mind if I use your internet?"

I gave him the password, and ran upstairs to get my sketchbook and pencil. I let him work as I quickly got a rough sketch going on. I started darkening in the outlines of things when the driver showed up. My rough outline was enough to finish the drawing. I showed it to him before he left and watched a small smile appear on his face.

"That's turning out really nice. You did good with your work today. I'll see you in class tomorrow," He said as he grabbed his bag.

"Would it be ok if I came by and drew the Host Club sometime, while they were working? I'm trying to get back into my art and everything, but I like drawing people the best," I asked.

"I don't see why not. Just don't tell them what you're doing or you'll get all kinds of strange poses from them," he chuckled as we walked to the door.

"Thank you for everything today. I really appreciate it. I'll see you tomorrow." I shut the door after he left and decided to continue on with my own homework.

I had a feeling I would be getting along pretty well with Kyouya. At least maybe I'd make one tentative friend out of this whole ordeal.

 **A/N: I think I'm going to do a bit of a time skip in the next chapter, just to kind of get things moving along. I don't want too fast of a pace, but it's also a bit slow for me. Again, if you have triggers, please do not read this story. There will be talk of drugs, cutting, and other serious topics, so please do not read if these are triggers for you. Also, I don't update on a set schedule. I have a lot of free time right now, and am able to get a lot of writing done at the moment, but I'm also a little lazy. So I'll update when inspiration strikes me, and I think I have a good thing going for the chapter. Please review as well, I would appreciate it! Thanks!**


	3. Chapter 3

Six months had managed to go by without anything happening. I was thanking my lucky stars for that. Kyouya was still coming over every Monday and Friday to help tutor me, and quite frankly, I didn't want him to stop. We had started talking in between doing homework, and it was nice, we even exchanged phone numbers. Tamaki had tried to tell me that everyone calls him the Shadow King, but I didn't think so. He was always nice, and polite, talking about the things that he liked and didn't like. I usually prompted the conversation, but I didn't mind. I had someone to talk to that wasn't family, rehab, or my therapist. The psychiatrist had already put me on a battery of medications, and none of them had really done me any good. We were still trying to find something that would work for me, but I knew it was a process. There were days I didn't even want to get out of bed to go to school, but I forced myself anyway. I was getting good at that, now. I had something I had to do every day, so it made it easier.

However, one fateful day, all of my good luck had finally turned around. Part of me had hoped that seeing as nothing happened at school involving me, it would stay quiet during my time there, but I was wrong. I should have expected it all to go badly one day, but I didn't expect it to be so soon. I was kind of hoping that it would happen when I was stronger, and better. Life didn't like to work that way, though. I was stupid for getting my hoped up, and I had hated myself for that.

I walked in one morning, and heard some of the girls in front of my gossiping. Seeing as I didn't partake in that sort of thing, I didn't much pay attention to them. I was getting my things together and ready for class to start when one of them just had to say something loudly on purpose. That's how I knew they were talking about me.

"Hey, haven't you heard about her yet?" The one girl said. "She's a druggie, and she even tried to kill herself. Can you believe that? How did we get so unlucky to get stuck with someone like that in our class?" They all started laughing.

I felt sick to my stomach instantly. The world seemed to shrink around me as I kept listening to them laugh about it. How did they find out? Had someone told them about me? I felt like I couldn't breathe, and sweat poured down my body. I couldn't move from where I was sitting, and my vision seemed to get blurry. What the hell was this? Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, they did. Go figure, right?

"Hey, Kyouya-kun, didn't you hear about her? The one you've been tutoring. She's a junkie that tried to kill herself. Do you really want to tarnish your good reputation being around someone like that?" The voice was loud again, but it seemed like it reverberated in my ear drums, as if we were at an amphitheater and she was standing at a microphone. More laughing ensued.

I quickly stood from my chair and ran for the door. I knew if I sat there any longer, I was going to be sick all over myself. I ran for the closest bathroom and threw up my breakfast. I couldn't believe it. My secrets were out like that, and no one even batted an eye, except for me. I was sure Kyouya probably wasn't even going to talk to me after that. Finding another tutor was going to be the worst thing in the world. No one would want to associate with me, even if that meant just to tutor me. They probably thought my house was some sort of drug den, or something. I threw up one more time before my stomach finally settled. I washed my mouth out and wiped my face before exiting the bathroom, and finding Kyouya sitting right there.

"Well, I guess my secret's out," I said as I leaned against the wall.

He offered me a piece of gum, which I gratefully took.

"You didn't have to follow me out here. It's fine if you don't want to tutor me or talk to me anymore. I completely understand. Hanging around with someone like me could really hurt you. Don't worry about me. I'll figure it all out," I said, unable to look him in the face.

"You're getting better, right?" He asked.

"In a manner of speaking."

"What does that mean exactly?"

"Well, it means I haven't done drugs in six months, I've done my out patient rehab, I'm still attending meetings on the weekends because I like the people, I'm still seeing my therapist, and I'm seeing a psychiatrist to try and get the right medication for me," I answered.

"So you're getting better then."

"Like I said, in a manner of speaking."

"That's all I care about. That's all Tamaki cares about. That's all anyone in the Host Club will care about. You're getting better and trying to recover from everything. You're doing what you need to do," he said, firmly.

"Thanks, Kyouya. That means a lot."

There was a moment of silence before he spoke again. "Why don't you come to the Host Club after class. It's been a while since you came to visit. I'm sure the others would like to see you. Maybe we can all do something afterwards to cheer you up."

Despite the wretched feelings dwelling inside me, I couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, I think that would be really nice."

"We should probably be heading back. Homeroom is going to start soon," he said, pushing off from the wall.

"I don't think I can walk back in there. I think I'll have a panic attack if I do."

"We'll go in together. Don't worry about anyone else. Just focus on me, ok?"

I nodded as we made our way back. I couldn't already feel my chest tightening and my heart pounding as we neared the door. I swallowed loudly as I stared at it. I knew everyone was going to look at me as soon as that door opened. I wanted so badly to just go home and cry, but I knew I couldn't. I think it would be a better idea to skip school for a couple of days after today. I didn't know if I could keep doing this without a break.

Sure enough, as soon as Kyouya opened the door, a hand gently placed on my back, all eyes turned to us. I couldn't look up. I could feel the gazes in the silence of the room. I wanted to be sick again, but managed to swallow the urge to throw up again. Kyouya lead me to my seat before sitting in his own. I heard Tamaki ask him what had happened, but he didn't say anything, only that they would talk later. Leave it to Tamaki to be the last to find things out. I knew the Host Club would find out about all of this, and I was scared that they would view me differently because of that. I tried to stay firm in my belief that they would still treat me all the same. I had managed to forge tentative friendships with them since I started coming and drawing them when they were working. They all seemed to have liked to finished product when I showed them all. They had treated me so kindly, Honey-senpai giving me cake, the twins always joking around with me, and Haruhi-chan always making me smile when she wasn't even trying.

The day wore on, and it felt like every chance anyone got, they were staring at me. Kyouya led me to the lunch room, staying by my side, and chit chatting with Tamaki through the line. I didn't say much, for fear that I'd start crying again, or throw up. I barely ate my lunch, scared that it would just add more fuel to the fire. Even then, I could feel eyes on me the whole time. I hated feeling their stares boring into my back. I wanted to act like it didn't bother me, pretend like it was nothing, but they would all know it was a farce from the way I acted this morning.

"So what was going on with you two this morning?" Tamaki asked as we ate.

"I'd rather we talked about this later," I mumbled as I pushed my food around.

"Does this have something to do with those nasty rumors I keep hearing about you, Eri-chan?"

"Tamaki, please. Can we talk about this later?" I looked at him with pleading eyes.

He was taken aback by my reaction, and simply nodded at he and Kyouya finished lunch.

Luckily, today wasn't a day that they were hosting anyone, it was just a club meeting. I didn't have to deal with the looks today like I usually did. Normally no one paid any attention to me as I sat and drew. I would get the occasional glance, but once everyone started Hosting, I was practically invisible. That didn't seem to be the case anymore. I didn't feel like I'd ever be able to show my face around there again. It would create too many questions, and I didn't want them to lose business because of me. Maybe if things every died down, I would be able to come back and draw them again. I sat on the couch of the third music room, while club business was conducted. I would address the rumors myself before club business was done.

Kyouya was about to shut down the meeting before I stepped up to the table. They all gave me curious looks.

"Before the meeting is finished, I'd like to say something, if that's ok?" I asked.

They all nodded

I stared at my hands as I took a deep breath. "I'm sure by now everyone's heard the rumors that have been going around about me. I wanted to thank you all for not saying anything the moment you saw me in the club room today. But I wanted to address them, so that you all know the truth, and don't have to look like fools in case anyone were to speak up about these accusations. So they're true. I'm a drug addict. I've been clean for 6 months. I've been seeing my doctors and going to my meetings on the weekends. I have tried to kill myself. A couple of times actually. As you can tell, I failed. I still have a long way to go before I'm really better, but I'm trying. I know that doesn't mean a lot to some people, but all I can say is that I'm trying. I understand that association with me will hurt you guys, and despite what Kyouya-kun tells me, I don't want you guys to lose business because of me, and tarnish your brilliant reputations. I wanted to thank all of you for being kind to me, and showing me what a decent friendship could have been. However, I think it might be best if I remove myself so as to not further ruin business, or anything like that for any of you." I felt tears burn my eyes as I turned and went to run for the door, but someone grabbed my hand. I turned and looked back to see Tamaki, the rest of the Host Club on their feet.

"Eri-chan, please don't think we want to stop being your friend because of the things you did in your past. We all like you, and care about you. We care more about you than we do the club. If the girls want to stop coming because of our friendship with you, then so be it. I know I speak for all of us when I say that we'd rather you continue being a part of our lives. The club means a lot to us all, but it doesn't mean so much that we'd let a new, wonderful friendship go. Please stick around?" Tamaki said with a small smile.

I burst into tears. I couldn't stop myself. I'd never met a group of people that were so nice to me. At my meetings, it was different. I was around people who fully understood what it was to be an addict. That was a different kind of acceptance. Being in this room with these people here, it was different to be accepted by an "outsider" that didn't fully understand what you were dealing with. They still accepted me anyway, despite my faults. They all came around in a group to hug me tightly while I cried and I couldn't believe it. I don't think I'd ever felt so much love in a room before this moment.

When I eventually calmed down, they all smiled at me. "Let's go for ice cream!" Honey-senpai called out.

We all agreed and decided to leave in Tamaki's family car. I called the driver to let him know I wouldn't need a ride home today, knowing that my new friends would drop me off easily.

We spent the rest of the afternoon at one of Honey-senpai's favorite ice cream parlors, talking, laughing, and joking. They made me feel like I was almost normal, and I really enjoyed myself. I had been enjoying myself as school more and more, getting to interact with them, talking to them on an almost daily basis. I looked forward to seeing them, but now it was different. Being gathered together with them like this, I felt truly happy. However, when I got home, all of that changed.

All of those things that were said today kept assaulting my brain when I was alone. I told the housekeeper that I wouldn't be having dinner, and I wanted to go sleep. She looked a little concerned when I said that, but nodded anyway. I went up to my room, changed my clothes, and laid on my bed for a little while, but didn't move as I stared at the ceiling. I knew it would be harder to walk in the doors of the school tomorrow, and decided that I would take a few days to gather myself. I tried to stay calm, but that sick feeling over took me, and a panic attack seemed to set in again.

With a shaky hand, I grabbed my pocket knife out of the drawer on my bedside table and cut myself, once on each arm. The cuts were kind of deep, but I felt that release in my brain, almost like a drug hitting my system, before I put the knife back, and laid on the floor. I felt the pain of the cuts shortly after, but relished in it. I let my clothes soak up the blood, not caring too much if I ruined an old shirt. I stared at the ceiling, feeling so much better. I knew I would hate myself tomorrow for it, but I felt better now. The panic attack seemed to have gone away for the moment, and for that I was grateful.

I must of laid there for some time, with the lights off because it was dark before I knew it. I didn't get up still, not wanting to move at all. I knew I had to in order to hide the cuts from Ichiro, but I couldn't bring myself to care if he found out. I knew he would be upset, but the numbness set in. That dead feeling took over me as I kept staring. I heard the door down stairs close and knew he was home. He would be up when he didn't see me at dinner. It took another 20 minutes or so for him to come up. I heard his footsteps, and waited. There was a light knock before he opened the door and turned on the lights.

"Eri? Are you ok?" He asked as he saw me laying on the floor.

"Yup," I said without looking at him.

"What's that on your hands?" There was some alarm in his voice. "Is that blood?!"

I finally moved after hours of laying still and look at my hands. "Well I suppose you could say that."

He came over and gripped my wrists, seeing the cuts on my arms. "Why the hell did you do this?!"

"I had a bad day. Can you leave me alone now?"

"Absolutely not! Where is the knife?" He asked, angry with me.

"I'm not going to tell you, so just leave me alone. Even if you take it I'll just get another one to use if I want to. It's not like you can lock up all the knives in the world, Ichiro. Go away."

"If you're not going to tell me where it is, at least let me get you cleaned up and taken care of. These are kind of bad." The anger seemed to have left him, his voice now filled with concern.

I let him help me off the floor and take me into his bathroom where he kept all of the first aid stuff. He cleaned the blood off of my arms and cleaned the wounds before wrapping them up with some gauze. I knew how to take care of myself, but I let him take care of me anyway. I knew it would make him feel better, like he was doing something to help. He had already helped me enough, though. I didn't want him getting involved in this too. He didn't need to be taken down this route with me. When he finished, I stood up from the side of the tub.

"Next time, just let me do this, ok? You don't need to worry about me," I said as I turned to leave.

"What do you mean I don't need to worry about you? Are you nuts? You're my sister. I'm always going to be there to pick you up when you fall. It's my job. I love you, and I'm going to keep doing this for as long as you feel the need to hurt yourself," he said back to me.

* * *

I didn't say anything to him as I walked back to my room and curled up in my bed. I didn't want to talk anymore. I wanted to sleep. The rush wore off long ago, and taken most of my energy with it. If I couldn't have drugs, then I'd at least be able to hurt myself when I needed to feel something other than my current emotion. I pulled the covers over my head and finally drifted off.

I didn't go to school for three days after the incident. Ichiro tried to force me, but I couldn't get out of bed. Kyouya had texted me on the third day and asked if I was ok. I told him I was fine, not to worry about me, but a part of me got the feeling he didn't believe me. I laid in bed for those three days only moving to go to the bathroom. I couldn't even bring myself to eat. I wasn't hungry. I knew everyone was worried about me, but I couldn't bring myself to care at that moment. I just wanted to be left alone.

I was woken up by a knock at my door and the lights turning on in my room. I shut my eyes and pulled the covers up over my head. "Ichiro, get out. Leave me alone," I grumbled.

"It's not Ichiro," Kyouya said with a displeased tone.

I pulled the covers down and squinted at him through the bright light. "Kyouya? What in the world are you doing here? I told you I was fine. You didn't have to come over," I said in a tired voice.

"I'm glad I did come over, you're clearly not fine. You clearly haven't showered in how many days, you've missed school, and you have homework piling up. It's tutoring day and you're still in bed. I think it's time you get up and get cleaned up," he said sternly. I'd never heard him act like that before.

"I'm fine. I'm not feeling well. I'll be fine on Monday. You can leave now," I said a bit curtly.

"I'm not leaving until you get out of that bed and get a shower," He said, sitting down in the computer chair in my room.

"Why do you even care anyway?" I shot back as I pulled the covers over my head.

"Because you're clearly not fine. You're not physically ill. And mostly importantly it's because I'm your friend. Now will you please get up and get a shower?"

I sighed angrily as I threw the covers off of my face. "Fine," I growled as I gathered my clothes and a towel before heading into the bathroom. I turned on the shower, taking off my bandages, and hopped in when the water was right.

I didn't want to do any of this. I felt like I hadn't slept in ages and just wanted to be left alone, but I knew he wouldn't leave until I complied with his demands. Kyouya could be stubborn. Being in the shower was exhausting so I did the basics, wash and condition my hair, wash my face, wash my cuts, and done. I'd felt a little better after having got a shower, but I still felt exhausted. I dried off and got dressed, not entirely pay attention to what I'd worn, which was stupid on my part. I should have been more careful. I made it out of the bathroom in sweats and a t-shirt, holding out my arms, presenting my clean self.

"Happy? Can you leave now?" I asked.

He looked at me and jumped up from the chair. "What the hell is this?" He asked grabbing my wrist.

My face flushed instantly. "It's none of your business, that's what."

"I'm making it my business. Did you do this to yourself?"

I almost laughed at him. "Of course I did it to myself. How the hell else would it get there?" I asked,

"Why?"

I looked at him for a minute. How could I explain this? "You wouldn't understand even if I tried. Just let it go."

He gripped my wrist a little tighter. "I'm not letting it go until you explain it to me."

I sighed as I pulled my hand out of his grasp and threw myself back down on my bed, staring at the ceiling. "You wouldn't understand. You've never done drugs, and you've never hurt yourself on purpose. Both are a release from your negative emotions. No matter how temporary, it's pushes away all the negative feelings you had before and makes them disappear. It doesn't last forever, no, but it feels damn good in the meantime. I don't expect you to understand. I have unhealthy coping mechanisms for depression. I wouldn't be a drug addict if I had healthy ways," I said dryly.

"How did it get like this?" He asked as he sat down on the bed next to me.

"What do you mean?"

"The way you deal with things, it couldn't have started out like that. How did all of this happen to you? I'm trying to understand, but it's hard when I don't have all of the pieces put together," he said gently.

"That is a story for a different day, much further down the road," I retorted. "I'm not comfortable talking to you about that right now. I haven't even told my therapist yet. This is one thing I refuse to budge on."

"That, I understand perfectly."

He ended up staying to help me with the work I missed the past few days. I was planning to go back to school on Monday, just like I'd said. It was going to be hard, but I knew I had to grin and bear it. Kyouya helped me catch up on all that missed, and even stayed for a little while afterwards to watch tv with me.

"The Host Club is planning a trip to the beach soon. You should come with us," he said at random.

"Any particular reason why?" I asked,

"I think you'd enjoy yourself. It might do you some good to get out and be in a relaxing environment. Haruhi has never been to the beach before so we thought we would take her somewhere local. I have a beach house and a private beach, so no one will bother us. It'll just be us there for a weekend. What do you think?"

I thought about it for a minute. "I'd have to ask my brother. I'm not so sure he'll be too keen on me leaving the house after what I did. He'll probably want to have the whole Host Club come over and grill them about the trip. I'm sure he'll feel better knowing Haruhi will be there and I won't be the only girl."

"He should be home soon, right?" Kyouya asked. "Let's go talk to him and see what he says. If he wants to meet the Host Club that badly, then he'll get to meet them tomorrow. I'm sure the King would love to come to your house, Eri-chan." He flashed that award winning smile at me.

I couldn't help but laugh a little Tamaki got excited over the funniest things, but I liked that about him. And sure enough, as soon as Ichiro walked through the door, we were down stairs.

"Ichiro-san, may Eri and I talk to you for a moment before you dive into your work for the evening?" Kyouya asked politely.

"Yeah sure, is everything ok?" Ichiro questioned

. "Yes, everything is perfectly fine. The Host Club and I were planning a trip to Okinawa here in a couple of weeks. See, our friend Haruhi has never been to the beach before and we all thought it would be nice to go to my family's private beach to let her have the experience. Everyone in the Host Club adores Eri, and I thought maybe she should come with us, given recent events. I was thinking that maybe some fresh, ocean air will cheer her up. What are your thoughts on this?" Kyouya was a damn good talker

Ichiro looked at him, no emotion showing on his face for a moment. "Well, given recent events, I'm sure you can understand why I'm wary to let my sister out of my sight for too long. I trust you to look after her, Kyouya-kun. However, if I am to consent to this trip, I'd like to meet the rest of the Host Club if that can be arranged."

Kyouya smiled. "Of course it can be. I can call Tamaki right now and have everyone ready to come visit tomorrow afternoon after Eri's weekend meeting is over. If you're free, of course."

Ichiro thought for a moment. "That'll work. I don't have to be at the office tomorrow, so they're more than welcome to come over once Eri gets home."

That settled that. Kyouya made the call, and told Tamaki to tell the others. The Host Club was going to be coming to my house tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, I readied myself for my meeting, getting dressed in a black shirt, black jacket, and a simple pair of jeans. I tried not to dress like I was a rich kid, not wanting the people at my meetings to judge me for it. They had all been nice to me since I started going, despite being older than I was, but I knew that money changed everything. I'd witnessed it during my drug days too often. When the den found out I had money, they'd all take my drugs when I was too down and out to really care. I had the money, so what did they care?

I got in the car, and made the hour trek to the meeting. I always had the driver drop me off a couple of blocks away so as to not alert any of the people outside that smoked to my situation. I walked up the street, and greeting them with a smile as I headed in and fixed myself a cup of coffee before the meeting started.

"Hey, you're the new kid, right? Eri?" A woman beside me asked.

I nodded to her. "Yeah I've been coming for about 6 months now," I answered.

"I'm Akeno, it's nice to meet you! I just wanted to compliment you on your progress. It' not very often people as young as you come in and stay for as long as you have."

"Well, my brother wants me to get better. And I like everyone here. You guys understand the situation I'm in better than anyone else I know. It's easy to feel free to talk about things, and not feel like I'm going to be misunderstood."

"Don't you want to get better for yourself though?" She asked politely.

"I'm still working on feeling like I deserve it." I gave her a sad smile.

"I understand that. But at least it's a start. You're here and you've been here for a whole 6 months. That's something special!"

"Thanks, Akeno. I really appreciate that."

Shortly after, the meeting started and we got down to business. It didn't seem like a very long meeting since a lot of the regulars weren't able to come that day, but we all shared and all had discussion about the things that were said. I didn't always participate much in the discussion. Everyone at the meetings had a lot more experience than I did in dealing with urges, how to get over the feelings that we all had at one time or another. There were rare occasions where I did add in, but mostly, I just ended up sharing my feelings from the week, or whatever. This week was a particularly hard week for me. It came my turn, and I stood up, taking a deep breath.

"It's been a rough week for me. Everyone at school somehow found out about me. I hadn't gotten around to telling my friends yet, so they got to hear through the grape vine. I told them the truth later that same day, and made sure I set the record straight. The cool thing was, they didn't treat me any differently. They said they wanted me to still be in their lives because I was getting better. I struggle with recovery, and I struggle with whether or not I feel like I deserve to get better, but having them say that seemed to make it all better. It made it feel like it's worth it to get better, it's worth it to be here, alive today. They even invited me to take a trip to Okinawa with them in a couple of weeks. I'm beginning to think sobriety is better than I made it out to be when I first started this journey," I said and we all kind chuckled at that. "I have better friends now than I did when I was on drugs, and I'm really thankful for that. Thank you."

I ended my story, and heard a round of applause, like we always did when someone finished sharing.

"Are you dealing with this situation alright?" The councilor asked.

"Not at first, I didn't. But I'm slowly realizing that it doesn't matter what other people think. I'm doing what I can, and if they don't understand that then piss on them. I have a good group of friends that support me, so I'm doing a little better after I realized that."

"Good, I'm glad to hear!"

The rest of the meeting came and went, and before I knew it, it was time to leave. The driver just waited for me because the drive was so long, he didn't want me waiting for a long time. I said my goodbyes and got a hug from Akeno before leaving and heading down the street. I got in the car for the drive home, feeling much better than I had since everyone started talking about me. I knew the Host Club had my back through all of this. It would make going to school on Monday that much easier for me.

When I made it home, the housekeeper was scrambling around making sure we had enough tea and snacks for everyone that was coming. She acted like they would be angry with her if something was wrong, but I'm sure she had enough experiences with mean people that she wanted to make sure things were perfect. I threw myself down on the couch and checked my phone. Kyouya said they were on their way and would be at the house in a half hour. Good, I had time for a small nap. I closed my eyes and drifted off. But it wasn't very long before there was a knock at the door, and the housekeeper was inviting everyone in. I sat up, yawned, and smoothed my hair down.

"Were you taking a nap, Eri-chan?" Honey asked as he jumped into my lap.

"Yup! I have to wake up early to get ready for my meeting, and I am not a morning person," I said with a laugh. "Have a seat guys, Ichiro will be down shortly."

We made small talk until he finally decided to make his appearance. He stood before all of us and smiled with a small wave.

"Everyone, this is my brother, Ichiro. Ichiro, this is Tamaki, Haruhi, Honey, Mori, Hikaru, Kaoru, and of course you know Kyouya."

"So you're the group of people that wants to take my sister for a weekend huh? Well, all of you are from very good families, Honey-kun, Mori-kun, I know your families very well. Tamaki-kun, I know you're the head chairman's son, and Haruhi… you're a girl?"

She scratched her face nervously. "Yeah, it's a bit of a long story," she said with a nervous laugh.

"Well I'd love to hear about it sometime! I'm also glad my sister won't be the only girl on the trip!

"Wait, so you're letting me go?" I asked incredulously.

"Yeah, I was always planning on letting you go. I just wanted to meet everyone as a formality. I'm your guardian after all. I don't think it would look very good if I let you run off with a bunch of people I don't even know," he said with a laugh.

Their visit was pleasant and full of laughter. I'm glad my brother seemed to like them. They ended up staying for lunch and dinner that day, but I could tell Ichiro didn't seem to mind. They were a good group. I had finally told him about what happened at school and how the Host Club had actually made me feel a little better, despite what I did.

"Oh! That means I'll have to go bathing suit shopping!" I said before they all left.

"Leave it to us, Eri! We'll get you something," The twins chimed in unison.

I hesitated for a moment. "If I trust you, will I regret it?" I asked.

Devilish smiled appeared on their lips. "Absolutely not!"

"My only requirement is nothing skimpy, you hear me! I want all of my parts covered! Do I make myself clear?"

They sighed, looking a little deflated. "Fine, fine! You'll get your wish!"

* * *

The beach trip finally rolled around, and we were all genuinely excited. We were leaving early Saturday morning, so I packed my things the night before. I hadn't been this excited about something in a long time. I had trouble sleeping, making my early morning wake up time a pain in the butt. Kyouya's car was coming to pick me up along with the rest of the Host Club before heading out. I waited down stairs, bag packed and ready, before heading out when I got the call to come outside. I wore my shorts, a tank top, with my every present black jacket. I knew they were all confused, but I was still self-conscious about showing my arms, despite my secret being out. That was the one thing I absolutely loved about the uniforms at school. They were long sleeved.

I hopped in the car and we made our way to the beach. I knew Haruhi was excited, even if she didn't say anything. I hadn't been to the beach in a very long time. Not since my parents were alive. They died when I was 8, so it's been almost 10 years since then. Even though it was just Okinawa, I knew it was going to be a fun trip. We played games in the car to pass the time, and talked about all of the fun things we were going to do. When we arrived, it was the early afternoon, and the twins handed me and Haruhi plain brown bags. I looked at them questioningly.

"They're you're bathing suits! Hurry up and lets go get changed!" The said in unison.

Kyouya told us our room assignments before we all left to go get changed. I tossed my bag down on the floor before opening up the bag the twins gave me. I was horrified at what I was seeing. I decided to at least try it on before deciding it was in decent. I looked myself over in the mirror when I was finished and wasn't sure I could walk out in that. I sighed, about to undress when there was a knock at the door.

"Eri-senpai? Are you ready?" Haruhi asked.

"As ready as I'll ever be," I said as I walked out, flip flops on.

"Wow! Eri-senpai, you look great!" Haruhi said when she saw me.

Haruhi was lucky and got to wear a cute little one piece bathing suit, wearing her shorts over top. I hated her in that moment. I was much chestier than Haruhi, and I knew that was why the twins placed me in my bikini. It wasn't really too too bad. It was black, with a little bow in the middle on the top. The bottoms were also black with a small, tiny bit of ruffling around the waist band. I felt overly exposed in this, but I didn't really have anything else to wear. I was going to have to deal with it. One weekend wasn't too bad, right? I would be able to handle that, maybe. I walked out of the back door with Haruhi and felt my face heat up the closer we walked to the group. All eyes were on us, and I didn't much like the feeling. My scars were exposed, my stomach was exposed. I didn't feel very comfortable.

"Haru-chan, Eri-chan! You look so cute!" Honey-senpai said, running over to us.

I nodded as I sat on a towel under an umbrella next to Kyouya.

"You look uncomfortable," he commented as he typed away on his computer.

"And you look like you don't know how to relax," I retorted.

"I have a lot of work to do."

I rolled my eyes at him as I pulled my knees up to my chest.

We sat in silent company for a while, as I watched everyone else play and have fun. I wanted to join them, but I was afraid they would stare at my arms. I wish I would have brought my jacket with me. I was much too worried about how I looked in the overall bikini that I didn't even think to grab it. I felt naked without it. I tried to ignore the feeling, but it was ever present in the back of my mind. I watched as they set up a volley ball net and got ready to play. The twins pranced over to me with a smile and each one grabbed a wrist.

"Come on! It's more fun with more people! You too, Kyouya-senpai! Don't think you're getting out of this one!" Kaoru said with a smile.

I watched as they looked down, smiles dropping for a moment before they smiled again and pulled me to my feet. I pulled myself free of them and held my hand out to Kyouya. "You're not getting away with this one, besides, it makes the teams uneven. You have to play," I said with a smile on my face

He sighed before closing his laptop and standing up from the chair. I took his hand with a smile, happy that he would finally be playing with everyone. The twins split us up into teams and the game began. It was pretty competitive, given the fact that Honey and Mori were the only ones that had been in sports clubs before. I got a few good dives in to get the ball, making the save a couple of times. I was kinda tall so I was put in the back of the my team, which consisted of Tamaki, Haruhi, Honey, and Kyouya. Tamaki and I were in the back while Haruhi and Kyouya were in the front. Haruhi's position changed after smacking Kyouya in the back of the head with the ball. It was pretty funny, even if he hadn't thought so.

We played well into the day, until it was almost evening time. I had brought some painting supplies with me and wanted to paint the sunset. It was getting to be time, and there was a rock at the edge of the beach that would be a perfect place to sit.

"I'm calling it quits, guys! I want to go paint," I said excitedly as I started towards the house.

"Eri-senpai! Is it ok if I go with you?" Haruhi asked.

I nodded eagerly. "Sure! You can help me carry stuff!"

I gave her my bag of paint, brushes and canvas while I grabbed my chair, easel, and pallet before we set out. We dashed across the beach as quickly as we could as the boys watched us go. I quickly set up the easel and canvas before squirting out all the paints I thought I might need. I wanted to get the ocean in too. I started painting the details as Haruhi watched me. By the time I finished the rough outline, the sunset had started and it was a beautiful image of oranges, purples, pinks, and yellows. I set to work, not wanting to waste any time.

When I had the foundation set, and was pretty much filling in the finer details, Haruhi finally spoke. "You have a lot of scars on your arms," she commented softly from beside me.

"Yeah, I do," I said.

"Those pink ones that are still scabbed. They're fresh aren't they?"

"Yeah."

"Was that because of what happened at school?"

I paused for a moment, unable to look at her. "Yeah... I knew it would happen eventually. I used to show up to parties that my aunt and uncle threw high all the time. I knew someone was bound to go home and ask about me at some point. I just hoped that it would be during a time when I was stronger, and better able to handle things. Besides that, I didn't think it would be as vicious as it was, or have Kyouya dragged into it."

"You're wrong, you know," She said,

I stopped painting to give her a questioning look.

"You are strong. You made it through all of the things you've been through. I know you tried to commit suicide more than once, but you're still here. That has to mean something. You're trying to get better. That takes a lot of strength, Senpai. You're not weak because of your habits, so please don't think that about yourself."

I was at a loss for words. No one had ever said something so kind to me before. I always thought of myself as pitiful and weak, especially because I had turned to cutting and drug use to deal with my problems, but I was beginning to think that maybe she had a point. I was trying to get better, and trying to learn to face my problems head on instead of hiding from them like I usually did. It was hard, living with everything, all of the things I'd done and everything that had been done to me, but I was doing it. Every day I woke up and participated in life, I was doing it.

I was about to say something back to her when I was stopped by a male voice behind us. "Well, well, well, what do we have here, boys? It looks like we found ourselves a couple of cute girls all by themselves." They were drunk. I could hear it in their voices.

"This is a private beach. You shouldn't be here," Haruhi said, standing up.

In that moment, I admired her courage. I was scared, too scared to say anything. I couldn't even turn around. I was frozen in my spot. It only got worse when I felt an arm snake around my waist and pull me out of my chair. Being like that brought back so many bad memories. I felt like I couldn't breathe. A panic attack was happening. I couldn't move, I couldn't fight against them, so I did the only thing I could do. I pulled in a deep breath and screamed bloody murder. I knew the boys would hear me and come to our aid. At least, I hoped they would. My fight or flight response finally kicked in. I still felt like I was going to suffocate as I tried and struggled against the man that had me. I watched as Haruhi grabbed my chair and threw it at one of the other guys inching closer to her.

"Why you little bitch!" The guy yelled as he stalked towards her. She backed up towards the edge of the rock.

The man grabbed a hold of her and threw her in the ocean.

"Haruhi!" I screamed as I watched her go over. I hoped to god she could swim.

"Hey! Let her go!" I heard a voice say behind me. Honey-senpai had shown up and I knew in that instance everyone was there.

I shut my eyes as I heard the sounds of fighting behind me, and felt like I was violently ripped away from the man that had a hold of me. I looked up to see Kyouya.

"Wait! Haruhi!" I said "She went over the edge, hurry!"

Tamaki ran and jumped of the rock like a hero out of a movie. I heard him splash down, hoping that everything was fine. I couldn't stand to lose a friend today because of a bunch of drunk assholes. Kyouya led me away from the knocked out jerks towards the beach. I waited with him at the edge of the water until I saw Tamaki bring Haruhi out. She looked to be ok, which was a huge relief.

"Let's get you back inside," Kyouya whispered as he lead me back to the villa.

He walked me to my room, and I dragged him inside, hugging him tight. I felt the tears start to pour down my face the moment his arms wrapped around me too. I sobbed into his chest, unable to contain myself. I cried because of the memories, I cried because I had been so scared for Haruhi, and I cried because I had felt so defenseless to do anything. She had taken action and did her best to fight them off while I had done nothing. If she hadn't been there, I couldn't imagine what might have happened.

When I finally calmed down, Kyouya pulled away a little to look at me. "Are you ok? Did they hurt you at all?" He asked, stroking my hair.

I shook my head. "The one guy just grabbed me, but it brought back so many horrible memories," I said, a fresh wave of tears falling down my face.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," He said softly.

"Lay down with me?" I sniffled.

We walked over to the bed and snuggled up to him as soon as he got comfortable. I listened to his heart beat and the sound of his breathing until I'd finally calmed down. He kept stroking my hair, never really stopping. He ran his fingers through it absently, but I wasn't complaining. He had a gentle touch and it helped make me feel better. I felt like a kid again laying in my mom's lap as she read me a bed time story.

"My parents died when I was about 8, so I went to live with my aunt and uncle," I said softly. "When I was about 10, a business associate of theirs would come over frequently. He was a good friend of theirs. He would constantly stay over at the place because he lived so far away. One night, he came into my room, and said he had accidentally mistook it for the bathroom. I politely gave him directions, expecting him to leave, but he didn't. Instead, he…" I took a deep breath. I hadn't told anyone this before and it was hard to talk about. "Instead, he started touching me. He told me that if I screamed, he would hurt me. So I kept quiet. It was always like that. He never raped me, or anything like that. He just did… other things to me instead. When that man grabbed me earlier, it just brought back so many horrible memories from those times because he would always grab me like that. Except today, I screamed."

He pulled me into a tight hug, tighter than the one before. "I'm so sorry that happened to you. I swear I'll never let someone touch you like that again if I can help it. If I ever find out who that man is, and I see him, I just might kill him," He growled.

I'd never heard that tone in Kyouya's voice before, but it made me feel safe. I'd never felt that with another person before. I smiled and hugged him back. Normally after something this horrible, I'd want to hurt myself, but this time, I didn't. I didn't feel the urge to do that or even want to get high. I breathed in Kyouya's scent. He smelled like the sun, the ocean breeze, and a bit of cologne. I absolutely loved it, and felt like I'd never be able to get enough of it.

There was a knock at the door, "Guy's, dinner's ready if you're hungry," Tamaki called.

"You go ahead. I'm going to get changed into some regular clothes, ok?" I said as Kyouya and I sat up.

He nodded before leaving me alone.

I quickly changed into a tank top and shorts, without the jacket for once and made my way out of my room. When I made it to the dining room, I saw Haruhi and ran over to her. We hugged each other tightly. I was so glad she was ok.

"Are you ok, senpai?" She asked,

"I'm fine, but what about you? Are you ok?" I asked looking at her face.

She smiled at me. "I'm perfectly fine! I'm just glad you're alright. That man didn't hurt you did he?"

I shook my head and smiled back. "No, the boys got there just in time. Let's eat!"

Tamaki wasn't exactly happy that Haruhi had thrown my chair at the one guy, but I came to her defense. Maybe she shouldn't have done that, but we didn't know if that guy was going to hurt her, or me. I thought it was quick thinking on her part. It was better than what I did. But I suppose, if I hadn't screamed no one would have known we were in trouble until it was too late. We didn't dwell on the subject too long, though, not wanting to stain our evening with such unpleasant thoughts. We all dug into the crab, enjoying the feast Honey-senpai and Haruhi had caught earlier on in the day.

After we were finished, we all cleaned up, but I wanted to take a walk. I wanted some fresh air. The boys had grabbed my painting things, so I didn't have to worry too much about going back up to get it in the dark.

"I'll join you," Kyouya said when I announced my plans.

We put our shoes on and headed out the back. At first we didn't really say anything. We just slowly walked the beach, at the edge of the water together. I felt the ocean lap at my feet, enjoying the feeling of it. Eventually, I reached down and took his hand, lacing my fingers with his. It wasn't meant to be an intimate gesture, but I felt my heart pound a little bit with nerves when I didn't feel him grab mine back right away.

"Are you planning to hurt yourself when you go home?" He asked quietly.

I stopped and looked up at him. "You know, for the first time in a long time, I'm actually not."

He smiled down at me for a moment before he looked serious again. "Did you ever tell your aunt and uncle, or even your brother?"

"Yes," I replied. "I told my aunt and uncle. My brother was just a teenager at the time, so I knew he would fly off the handle if I told him. My aunt and uncle said I made it all up and I needed to quit saying such horrible things about people. Eventually they stopped seeing him because his business was failing and there wasn't anything they could do about it. That's what started all of the drugs, the cutting, everything. I developed a lot of unhealthy coping habits. I haven't even told my therapist about this yet. I know she needs to know, but I haven't built up that trust with her yet."

"And you felt like you could trust me?"

I nodded. "You were probably the first person to tell me that my addiction wasn't something you were afraid of. You weren't afraid of what people would say about you because of me. I love the Host Club dearly, but you're the first, Kyouya. You were the one who walked into class with me. You were the one who chased after me that day. You even brought me a stick of gum for crying out loud!" I laughed at that, realizing that it was kind of funny. "You got me out of bed when no one else tried. You made me shower when no one else did. I know that doesn't seem like a lot, but depression is crippling. It's hard to do those things when you're in that frame of mind. Thank you for doing all of those things. I don't know if I've thanked you yet, but I do truly appreciate it."

"I admit, I don't know much about addiction, and I don't know much about depression. You weren't wrong in the fact that it's hard to understand if you don't suffer from it. I want to do my best to help you if, and when I can. Please do not hesitate to call me if you need something. I don't care if it's the middle of the night and I'm sleeping. If you need me, please call me. I want to be there for you," He said.

I hugged him in that moment. I was closer to him than I was all of the other Host Club members, but he and I spent much more time together than the others. I'd gotten to know him a little bit, and gotten to know some of his quirks. He'd gotten to know some of mine too. We learned some of our likes and dislikes through these 6 months. He could be a stubborn, almost mean person at times, but to me, he was nothing but sweet.

"We should head back,' He said after a moment.

I got one last breath of his scent before I nodded and we made our way back to the villa.

 **A/N: I thought about how perfect this scene would have been for a kiss! But I want to hold off on the romantic things. I mean she just went through something really shitty that day, so I thought it best to hold off. Maybe there will be a kiss scene soon? Who knows! But I think this is a nice start to their romantic feelings for each other to bloom.**


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up in the middle of the night from a nightmare, and tried like hell to get back to sleep. When I was finally fed up, I got out of bed and went to the kitchen. I hoped my lack of sleep wouldn't ruin the last day of the trip for me as I got a drink of water and sat at the island. I sighed and rubbed my head. I had gone to sleep feeling ok, but after having dealt with all of that shit from today, I knew it was bound to happen. I knew this meant having to talk to my therapist when the trip was over to see if she could talk to the doctor about maybe some sort of sleeping pill to prevent these. I slept ok most of the time, but every now and then the nightmares resurfaced and bothered me for weeks at a time. I was hesitant to talk to her, but I knew it would help in the recovery process.

"What are you doing up?" A tired voice asked. I looked up to see Kyouya.

"I had a nightmare and couldn't get back to sleep," I answered. "What about you?"

"Thirsty."

I couldn't help but smile as I watched him grab and glass and take a big gulp. He was going to head back to his room, but I stopped him. "Hey, Kyouya?"

"Hmmm?"

"Can I… stay with you tonight?"

He stopped, turned around and just stared at me for a minute. I felt stupid for asking in that moment. I'm sure he was thinking of all the things the club would say if they saw us sleeping together. I hadn't really thought about that, planning to sneak out before anyone else was awake. Our rooms were right down the hall from each other, so I didn't think it would be too big of an issue, but maybe to him it was.

"You know what, it was silly of me to aks. Just forget it, ok?" I said with a nervous laugh.

"No, no. It's ok. I was just a little surprised that you'd asked," he replied.

I put my glass in the sink and followed him back to his room. He got into bed and held the blanket up for me where I crawled in next to him. I placed my nose right in his chest as he wrapped his arms around me. He had gotten a shower that evening, and I could still smell a hint of his body wash on his skin. I still liked the smell of the ocean and the sun mixed with his cologne better, but I couldn't complain about this scent either.

A small laugh erupted from his seemingly out of nowhere.

"What was that all about?" I asked.

"Your hair, it tickles," He mumbled half asleep.

"Oh! I'm sorry! I can go get a hair tie!"

He shook his head. "No, it's ok. It smells good."

I felt my cheeks heat up at the compliment and nuzzled into him some more. Being next to him made it so much easier to fall asleep than when I'd been on my own. I felt safe, and warm with him there. I didn't even have a nightmare. When I woke up the next morning, I had flipped over and my back was to him, with his arms loosely circling me. I went to get up and head to my own room, but I felt his grip on me tighten, pulling me to his chest.

"I didn't say you could leave," he grumbled, smelling my hair again.

I couldn't help but chuckle. "I didn't know I was supposed to get your permission to leave."

"Well, you are in my bed in my villa. So I would think that would be an appropriate action to take."

I shook my head as I just laid there with him for a minute. "I was going to sneak back to my room before anyone else woke up so no one would think anything happened," I retorted.

"Damn what everyone else thinks."

I was a little surprised by what he said. He cared a lot what other people thought of him. I knew the Host Club had a certain image of him that he wanted to have upheld. I wasn't worried about them spreading rumors about us to anyone else outside of the group, but I also didn't want them talking amongst themselves about what may have transpired. Yes, we were almost adults, but I couldn't bring myself to have that kind of talk going on. I rolled over and smiled at him, his eyes were still closed, but I knew he was still kind of awake. I took one of his hands and kissed his palm, watching his eyes crack open.

"You may say that now, but I'm not going to have them speculating whether or not we fooled around last night. I'm going back to my own room before they wake up. If you want to, you're more than welcome to join me for breakfast in about 10 minutes. I'll be on the beach painting after I eat, ok?"

He grumbled something at me before letting me go. I looked back at him before I left and quietly crept to my own room. I showered up quickly and changed into my bathing suit before heading to the kitchen to eat. I grabbed some cereal and ate whatever was available, not much caring about it. I had assumed Kyouya fell back asleep since he didn't join me, but I didn't mind. Clearly he was not a morning person. I went back to my room and gathered up all of my painting things before heading out onto the beach and setting up. I wanted to paint something on this damn trip before we left, and I wasn't going to let anyone stop me.

While I was in the middle of the ocean scene, I heard someone come up behind me. "Wow, that's really pretty, Eri-senpai!" Haruhi said as she watched for a moment.

"You really think so? I didn't think it was all that great. I haven't painted in a while and wasn't sure what to think of it," I said as I looked over what I had so far.

"Yes! It looks really nice!"

"Well if you like it that much, then you're more than welcome to have it when I get it in a frame," I said with a laugh.

"You really mean that?!" She was really excited about it.

"Of course I do. I'll get it to you probably later this week."

The rest of the club came out soon after and watched me paint for a minute. They were all impressed with my work, but I paid them no mind as I continued to finish things up. It would dry faster if I left it in the sun, and went back to clean up all of my brushes and set them out to dry. We weren't supposed to leave until later that evening, so I knew they would be fine by them. I put the rest of my stuff away and left my painting on the patio where it wouldn't be disturbed. I went back out to my towel next to Kyouya and looked over at him. He looked a little stiff.

"You ok?" I asked him. "You look like you're hurting."

"My neck and shoulders hurt, if I'm being honest."

"Is it my fault?"

He shook his head. "No, I think I just need a better mattress for this place or else I'll never be able to sleep properly. My bed at home is much softer than that."

"Come sit down in front of me. I'll rub your neck and shoulders. How does that sound?"

He shrugged before shutting the laptop and sitting down in front of me.

I set to work, digging in a little bit with my thumbs and fingers. He seemed to relax the more that I worked, and for that I was grateful. I moved down his back, continuing to dig into his muscles, and feeling how tight they were. He really needed to learn to relax, but I knew that wasn't going to happen. As the third son, he never really got that chance. I decided that I was going to paint for him, hoping that it would help him relax a little if he looked at it. I knew his favorite color was blue, so maybe I'd do something with his favorite color. I wasn't sure what yet, but I'd think about it through the week.

"You have magic fingers," He sighed lightly as I finished up.

"Well I'm glad you think so. I know you don't relax much, so if you ever need me to rub your shoulders and stuff, just as me ok? I can always come over and do it while you're working."

He nodded and thanked me before sitting back in his chair, laptop back open.

The rest of the day went well. I even swam with Honey-senpai for a little while before we all decided to head back in, shower, and get ready for dinner and to go home. Once again, Honey and Mori made dinner, and it was delicious. We didn't have anymore crab, but some kind of pasta they decided to cook. It was delicious. There weren't any maids in the villa at the time, but I didn't mind. It was nice to spend time with everyone without house staff scrambling around and bothering us. We all got packed up and waited for Kyouya's limo to come and pick us up.

* * *

School started back up at the beginning of the week as usual. I was always still a little anxious about going, but it was much better than when the rumors had initially spread. I got ready, and carried my painting with me. I was planning to deliver it to Haruhi before homeroom started. I knew all of her classmates would wonder why the hell she and I were associating. I just hoped it didn't bring down her reputation at school. She was a commoner, and I can't imagine what they'd say about her. I didn't want to cause her any trouble. I hoped for the best as I climbed out of the car, and bid my brother farewell for the day. I headed to the rooms as I looked around and finally found her class room.

"Eri-senpai! What are you doing here?" She asked,

"Dropping this off for you!" I handed her the framed painting and she looked at it like I had just given her the best gift possible.

"Thank you! It looks so beautiful! I can't want to hang this up when I get home!"

"I hope you and your father both enjoy it!"

"I'm sure he will! He's going to want to meet you even more now, though."

I thought for a minute. "Well, you live in the same neighborhood as the place I go to on Saturday mornings, right?" I didn't want to say my meetings with everyone in hearing distance.

"Yeah, I live a couple of blocks down from there. Why don't you come over after you're finished up and hang out for the day? I can meet you there and show you to my apartment."

I nodded and hugged her before I left the classroom heading for my own.

* * *

The weekend rolled around, and before I knew it, it was Saturday morning. Everyone at my meeting had asked how the trip had gone, and I was pleased to report that it had gone well. I was feeling increasingly better, especially after having talked to my therapist about everything. I felt the changes happening within myself. I was happy, and for once, I actually felt like I deserved to be clean, sober, and happy. I hadn't felt that way in a long time. I was even managing to make closer friends with Haruhi and Akeno from my meetings. I was glad to have more females in my life. My feelings about Kyouya had quickly morphed into something else and I wasn't sure what it meant. I hadn't felt like this about anyone before, so I wasn't sure what it meant. I could talk to my brother about it, but I didn't want to deal with that. It would be awkward to talk to him about boys.

Haruhi came and picked me up after my meeting, and we made the short walk to her apartment. She asked me how things went, and I told her they had gone well. I really enjoyed my group of people. I had gotten lucky with them. I knew that if I went to a group near where I lived, it probably wouldn't have been as welcoming or inviting. When we made it back to her apartment her dad practically tackled her. Part of me wondered if he was drunk, but if he was truly like Tamaki the way she had said, then there was no way he was drunk in the slightest.

"Ah! You must be Eri-chan! I'm so happy to meet you! Please, call me Ranka!" He'd said, taking my hand and shaking it energetically.

"Ranka-san, thank you for having me over, and inviting me into your home!"

"Oh she's such a pleasant girl, Haruhi! Why haven't you brought her around sooner!?"

I laughed at him as we all sat around the table drinking tea. "Well, I'd have to say that's my fault. I have something I do every Saturday morning, and I'm usually not a morning person, so I typically go right home and nap when I'm finished."

"Ah, that's right. Haruhi told me you had some problems in the past."

I saw as Haruhi's cheeks burn with embarrassment that she had told her father about my problems. Strangely, I didn't mind. I think it was because Ranka had invited me into his home regardless of that, and still treated me kindly. He didn't talk to me like I was a piece of shit junkie, and talked to me like I was a normal human being that didn't have any problems at all. I could see where Haruhi got her genuine personality from, and I'm sure her mother also had something to do with it. I wish I could have met the woman.

"Haruhi, it's ok. You don't have to be upset with Ranka-san. I don't mind that you know. You're still treating me like a person, and for that I thank you. I'm sure Haruhi has told you that I've had some issues at school because of these problems, so it's nice to be treated like a human being by a relative stranger instead of a piece of trash," I said with a smile.

"Yes, she did tell me that people had started nasty rumors about you. The way I see it is, you're getting better and that's what counts. Your past doesn't define who you are today, and the way Haruhi talks about you, you must be a good girl. I could tell when I saw that painting you gave her. It's beautiful, by the way. Thank you for the addition to out home."

I couldn't help but blush at his compliment.

After a while longer of talking, Ranka had to get ready for work, and it was just me and Haruhi after he left. I was glad because I'd really wanted to talk to her about Kyouya. I didn't want to do it with her dad around, even though I'm sure he would have some input. I wasn't quite comfortable enough to talk about it in front of him yet. I helped her make some more tea and prepare a snack for the two of us before we settled in.

"So, Haruhi, I was hoping you could help me out with something," I said after she'd gotten comfortable.

"Ok, shoot," She said taking a bite of her sandwich.

"Well, ever since the beach trip I've been feeling really weird around Kyouya. If he touches me, I just feel this fluttering in my chest and almost feel like I'm going to throw up. I mean I spent the night with him at the villa just fine," I said, and watched the look on her face form into one of surprise. "I didn't mean like that! I just mean we slept in the same bed. I had a nightmare and he let me stay in his room," I defended quickly feeling my cheeks heat up.

"Huh. So you didn't have those feelings then, but you do now?" She asked.

I nodded.

"I'm not really sure. It sounds like your nervous, honestly. I couldn't tell you why though."

"Thanks for the help!" I said with a laugh.

* * *

I got home that evening, and decided to paint Kyouya a field of blue flowers. I wanted to give it to him as soon as possible, so I set to work, skipping dinner, and even staying up half the night. I poured my heart into that painting. I would have to wake up early to head out to get a frame, but I was pleased with it when I finally finished it. I signed the corner and took it into my bathroom, using the hair dryer to dry most of it. When I finished, I went to bed, and set my alarm. I woke up early and got ready. I wanted to take it to him that same day if he was home. I just went to the local craft store, and bought the right size and made my way back home.

After placing it in the frame, I called him. "Hello?" He answered, sounding distracted.

"Are you home?" I asked,

"Yeah, what's up? Are you ok?"

I laughed. "Yes, I'm fine. I just wanted to come over and give you something, if I could."

"Uh yeah, sure. I'm not really busy so come on over whenever you can."

"Perfect! I'll be over in about 20 minutes!"

I hung up the phone and called the driver, telling him to get ready while I got my own purse ready for the trip.

Kyouya didn't live too far away from me, so the car ride wasn't long. I hopped out and rang the doorbell. The house staff answered and walked me through his giant house to his room. Even that was big. I thought the house my brother had was pretty decently sized, but I was wrong, wrong, wrong. Kyouya lived in a house that looked like two mansions thrown together. I couldn't believe the building I was looking at. His room was pretty big too. He had his own sitting area with couches, book shelves, a tv, and a little loft type area where his bed was. His window were floor to ceiling too. I imagine it was nice to watch the snow fall in the winter, but was probably murder on the eyes in the morning.

I saw him lying on his bed with his laptop open, typing away as always. He saw me enter and shut it before getting up and coming down to me.

"So what is it you wanted to give me?" He asked curiously, looking at the frame behind my back.

I pulled it out, the painting part facing him. "This. I know your favorite color is blue. I also know that it's hard for you to relax if ever. So I hoped that maybe if I painted something for you that was your favorite color you'd be able to relax a little bit if you looked at it."

He was speechless for a minute, and I was worried he might hate it, but I saw the smile break out across his face. "Thank you, Eri. I love it. I'll have it hung up right away." He took his and looked it over before propping it up against the couch. "Do you want to stay and watch a movie or something? I can always take you home later," he said.

"Are you sure you're not too busy?" I asked.

"I'm never too busy you for," He said with a laugh before going over to the tv and grabbing a movie.

I felt my face heat up at the comment and sat on the couch. What did that mean?! This is why I had wanted to talk to Haruhi about this, but she wasn't any help. My only other option was to talk to Akeno about it. Maybe she and I could meet for coffee after school or something. I didn't know much about her personal life aside from that she did work regularly throughout the week. I didn't know what she did though, or what her schedule was. I needed an experienced woman's opinion.

We settled in to watch the movie. I couldn't remember what it was about, though. I ended up falling asleep in the middle of it. I hadn't gotten much sleep that night, and felt terrible about it.

"Eri-chan. Eri. Wake up," Kyouya's gentle voice said.

I opened my eyes and found myself snuggled up to him. He must have laid down and grabbed me, because I was practically laying on top of him.

"Oh shoot! I am so sorry! I didn't mean to fall asleep!" I said, shooting up.

He laughed. "It's ok. I could tell you were tired, so I just let you sleep. I think I ended up falling asleep a little bit myself. It's about 7, though. We should probably get you home."

I nodded as I gathered up my things and called my brother to tell him I was on my way.

He called the car to come to the front of the house and loaded me up in it, taking me home for the evening.

 **A/N: A slightly shorter chapter, but I think I'm going to skip ahead a bit. I want to get to this one part, and I think it's going to be a pretty decent chapter!**


	6. Chapter 6

October finally rolled around, and everyone was getting ready for Halloween. I was one of those people that was really excited. I was hoping one of our friends was going to have a party so I could dress up and have some fun. I knew what I wanted to be, but it was a matter of talking to the twins, and seeing if their mom could make the costume. I knew she could, but I didn't know if she was too busy to make it or not. I didn't know if she was too busy designing her winter line, or how far in advance fashion designers planned that kind of thing ahead of time. I had decided to go up to the club room before they started their activities for the day to talk to them about it. I was gathering up my things to head up there when Kyouya stopped me.

"My family is having a Halloween ball at the end of the month. Your brother should have been invited. I was hoping he'd told you and that you might come," he said with a pleasant smile.

"No, he didn't tell me. However, I'll come with or without him, honestly," I said with a laugh. "I've been dying to talk to the twins about a costume, anyway."

"Oh? What did you want to be?"

I looked at him, debating on telling him. I decided to anyway. "Cinderella," I said with a blush on my cheeks.

"I think you'll make a beautiful Cinderella. I'd love to see that."

I raised my eyebrow. "What are you planning on dressing up as?"

He smirked. "I'll let that be a surprise."

I shook my head at him as we made our way to the third music room together. I knew they had plans for the last week of October to do Halloween themed club activities, but I hoped they weren't too busy getting dressed today. I opened the door and saw the twins sitting at the large table where the held meetings, playing a game.

"Just the people I wanted to see!" I said cheerfully as they looked up at me.

"Did you need us for something?" They asked in unison.

"Yes! I was hoping you could get your mom to design my Halloween costume, actually. I want to attend Kyouya's ball at the end of the month. Think your mom could throw together a killer Cinderella costume?"

The nodded eagerly. "We'll need your measurements, though. We got kinda lucky with the bathing suit, but since this is a specific order, we'll need to send her all the info," Kaoru said.

I'd learned to tell them apart from the sound of their voices. If they spoke together, I wasn't able to tell which twin was which. I nodded as they came over, and produced a measuring tape. They started writing everything down as they did it, and before I knew it, they were done.

"Thanks guys! You'll have to let me know when it's done!"

It was finally time for the ball. I had yelled at Ichiro for not telling me about it the day I'd found out. He told me he'd planned on going, just forgot to tell me. He was lucky I was friends with Kyouya and was able to find out from him. If I hadn't, who knew if I would be able to have gotten the famous Hitachiin designer to make my dress. I'd told my brother about it. He wasn't exactly excited that I was having a custom dress made, but I didn't care. He still paid her for it anyway. The twins had actually come over, planning to get ready at my house with me so they could help me get the dress on, and do my hair and makeup for the whole ordeal. I was grateful they'd inherited their mother's creative eye. I'd seen the way they did up Haruhi on occasion, and absolutely loved their work.

The arrived at around 5, the party starting at 8, and came up to my room with me. The dress itself was actually in two pieces. First, the skirt which was a huge mess of blue glitter fabric and probably two of me wide, if not more. I pulled that on over my pants, quickly removing those without anything showing. Next piece was an overbust corset, blue, and just as glittery as the skirt, if not more so. It had cute little off the shoulder sleeves in sheer blue that served no purpose other than to decorate the corset. I kicked them out after they loosened it up and quickly clashed the front together, and held it close to my body when they came back in.

"I can't believe your mom made me a corset," I said as they started tightening it.

"She wanted you to look regal, so she thought a corset would be the best choice. Besides, you have enough chest to pull it off," Hikaru said.

I sighed, starting to feel like I couldn't breathe. It wasn't going to be the most comfortable thing in the world, but I would wear it, and love it. I already loved it from the moment I saw it.

"Don't you think that's a little tight?" I asked as they almost tugged me off my feet.

"The top has to be tight. You don't want to fall out all over the place, do you?" Kaoru asked with a laugh.

My face got red at the thought. "No! That would be terrible! I'm sure everyone at the party would probably think I'm back on drugs," I laughed.

When they finished, I looked at myself in the full length mirror, and couldn't believe what I saw. I felt really pretty, for once, even if my boobs were almost in my chin. My waist looked smaller than usual, and the skirt was a poofy mess of beautiful. I couldn't believe it.

"My red hair kinds clashes with the blue," I mumbled.

"We have it covered!" The said in unison, producing a long, blonde wig. They were really being authentic with it. They really wanted to make me look like a Disney princess.

They placed the wig on my head after tucking all of my hair into a cap that looked suspiciously like a pair of tan panty hose knotted together and cut at the top. The styled it in a braided up to, getting all of the hair from the wig and sticking a fake blue lily, also covered in glitter, into my hair. They tried to get me to wear a pair of blue contacts, just like the Cinderella in the movie, but I told them my own green eyes would be just fine. I was already going to die wearing the corset, and decided to just leave the contacts be. I didn't want my makeup getting messed up later on because the contacts were irritating my eyes.

Next step was the makeup. They instructed me on what to do, and I sat as still as I possibly could, letting them get to work on my face. It seemed like it had taken an eternity for them to finish, but I was pleased with the product when they were finished. They had used a light blue eyeshadow, and winged out my eyeliner. The eye makeup was simple, but elegant. They had put blush on my cheeks, and highlighter down my nose, on my cheeks, and at the cupids bow in my lips. The put on a light shiny pink lip gloss as the finishing touch and I couldn't believe it was me, looking back in the mirror. They gave me the long white gloves, for which I was thankful to be able to cover up my arms, and clear shoes, making it look like they were the same glass slippers.

"You look great, Eri-senpai!" They said together.

"Well it was all thanks to your handiwork, boys. Thank you! I feel absolutely beautiful!" I hugged them both.

"Oh! We almost forgot one more thing. Sit back down," Hikaru said as Kaoru went to the bag and fetched a small tiara. He fixed it into the wig. It was a simple little silver tiara with blue jewels in it.

"Wow. Seriously guys, thank you. It's hard to believe it's me in the mirror," I chuckled.

"Well it's definitely you! Now get out of here so we can change! We have to leave soon!" Kaoru said as he practically shoved me out of my own room.

I sat on the couch downstairs, playing with my phone when my brother finally emerged in an old world vampire costume. "Wow, Eri-chan is that you?! You look amazing!" He said.

"Thank you! The twins sure did a bang up job. And their mother did wonderfully on the dress!"

"I can't believe you're actually wearing a corset! It's all to impress Kyouya, isn't it?" He raised his eyebrows slyly.

I felt my cheeks heat up, remembering my conversation with Akeno a couple of months ago.

Akeno and I had met up for coffee after school one day when she was done with work. She was a little surprised I had called her, but I explained before hand that it wasn't anything bad. I didn't want her to worry and think I fell off the wagon, or anything like that. I told her I was having issues with a boy, and I needed some help. She was glad to meet with me and help me out.

"So what seems to be the issue?" She asked after we sat down with our coffee.

I explained to her everything that had happened at the beach (without delving into my whole back story of course). I told her about all the feelings I'd been having afterwards, and how Haruhi and I had tried to talk about, but managed to get nowhere.

"Hmm, sounds like you have a crush on the guy, honestly," she said with a bit of a laugh.

"A crush? On Kyouya? Really? Is that what this is?" I asked,

"Yes! A crush on your friend! It makes sense. You talk about him a lot in group. From what you've told me, he's been there to help you through some pretty harsh shit, so it only makes sense that you'd like him. You're closer to him than you are with any of your other friend group, right? You're always hanging out after school and spending time together. Spending the night with him probably awakened that. He helped you get over some nasty things during the trip too. He became your rock without you knowing it, and I think that's where your crush developed from."

I thought about it for a minute. I guess it made sense. Although it was kind of funny. The first crush I'd had in ages. "Do you think he likes me back?" I asked.

"Well, I suppose it's a possibility. I wouldn't know for sure since I don't know him myself, but the only way you'll really find out is if you tell him and see if he accepts your feelings. That's the only sure fire way to know."

I hadn't planned on telling Kyouya how I felt any time soon. I was scared and nervous it would ruin the friendship that we had. At the same time, though, I did want to tell him and see if he felt the same. I had been doing good with therapy, and at my meetings, so I was sure I was getting better. I just wasn't sure if I was better enough to be able to handle rejection like a sane person. I knew it was a topic I'd have to think about deeply before I said anything.

"Wait," the twins said interrupting my thoughts. "You like Kyouya-senpai?!"

I sighed, throwing a glare at my brother. "I guess you could say that," I mumbled.

"Well, we kinda knew that would happen. You guys spend a lot of time together," Kaoru said.

I shrugged and grabbed my purse and shawl. The house keeper took pictures of us together, and I sent a couple of Akeno. She didn't know I was a rich kid yet, but I had a feeling this would tip her off. We headed out to the car and made our way to the party. I was excited and nervous all at the same time. I'm sure there were bound to be people there that knew me, and would question whether or not I was sober, but I tried to put them out of my mind. I didn't want them to ruin the whole party before I even got there. I knew the Host Club was going to be there, I just wasn't sure if Haruhi was going to attend. She didn't really have a reason to be there, so I doubted she would be. I was a little sad at the thought, but I didn't voice it, knowing the twins probably felt the same.

We pulled up the house, a slew of cars already parked there. The car dropped us off at the front door, and we went up the steps. When the door opened, the entire inside of the house was decorated for Halloween. Pumpkins, corn stalks, little creepy statues, and tables full of food were strewn about the room. The lights were dim, and an orchestra played in the corner. I was hoping for a DJ, but I shouldn't have expected that at a classy Ootori party. I looked around, not spotting anyone that I knew and decided to head to the food table once my brother was swarmed by men in costumes. I grabbed a small plate and some food, sitting down at a table to eat it.

After I was done, I grabbed a drink from a passing waiter and stood against a far wall, observing the party.

"It doesn't look very good for Cinderella to be sitting against a wall like that," a voice said beside me. I looked over at Kyouya and smiled.

He had decided to match my costume and dressed as the prince. He looked good decked out in a white outfit. I put my glass down on a table and curtsied. "Well, I see my gallant prince has arrived to save me," I said with a small laugh.

He bowed low, smiling up at me. "Come, my princess. Let's dance."

He whisked me out onto the dance floor. I had taken dancing lessons, but it had been a long time since I actually had to dance. I was a little nervous, knowing people would be watching us as we danced. Kyouya was an Ootori after all. All eyes would be on us. I didn't do too bad, remembering the steps. I know I slipped up a couple of times, but he made up for it, making it look flawless. At least one of us could dance properly. I was grateful he was skilled enough that he was able to make up for my slip ups. When the song ended, there was a round of applause from those in the crowd, and he led me over to a waiter and grabbed us drinks.

"You weren't too bad out there," he said with a mischievous smirk.

"It's been a while since I've had to dance, so you pipe down over there," I said, tilting my chin up, making myself look like a snob.

He laughed at that before taking my hand and leading me outside onto the patio.

"I'm glad you came," he said as we stared up at the sky.

"Me too. It's surprisingly more fun than I originally thought it would be. I haven't heard anyone whispering about me either, so that's a plus," I replied with a laugh.

"It's the blonde wig. You don't look like your old self. Which, by the way, I haven't told you quite how beautiful you look tonight. That dress is stunning on you."

I felt my face get hot, as I looked away, taking a sip of my drink. "You look handsome too," I complimented.

He took my drink out of my hand and set it on the railing edge and pulled me close. The heat in my face only seemed to increase. He took my face in his hands and leaned down, kissing me.

It took me a minute to respond, but I kissed him back. Any question I'd had about him liking me went out the window. Why would you kiss someone if you didn't like them? I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he pulled me closer. It was bliss. He held me tenderly and kissed me gently. I had kissed people before, but this was by far the best, and most romantic kiss I'd ever had.

He pulled away from me, and pecked me before looking down at me with a smile. "I've wanted to do that for a long time," he admitted.

"I've been dying for you to do something for some time now," I laughed.

He took my hand and lead me back into the party.

We were talking to the rest of the Host Club once everyone had made their rounds and spoke to everyone they were obligated to speak to. My brother had taken me around and introduced me to a couple of the men he worked with, all of them politely kissing my hand and telling me how pretty I looked. None of them really looked at me like they knew about my situation, which I was very grateful for. We stood around, talking and laughing before we were interrupted.

"Father," Kyouya said politely.

I turned to see the head of the Ootori family standing there, and impassive look on his face. "Kyouya, boys. I was hoping I could steal Akiyama-san away for a dance."

"Of course, Ootori-san. I'd be delighted," I said with a smile as he took my hand. I threw Kyouya a look, but there was nothing showing on his face as his father lead me out onto the dance floor.

"I want to start off by saying that I'm aware of your situation, Miss Eri. I know you've been spending a lot of time with my son lately, even after your tutoring has finished. Normally, I would never consider allowing him to have a relationship with one such as yourself. The only reason I am is for two reasons. Your brother, Ichiro, has worked for me diligently for 3 years now, and has never given me a reason to think that he is a bad man. The other reason is because I know that you stand to inherit your family's pharmaceutical company after you finish college. I know what type of relationship could be gained by allowing my son to marry you in the future if that is what you both wish. However, I will say that if you fall off the wagon at any point, especially in the future, I will not hesitate to take everything from you, including my son. Do I make myself clear?"

I was silent, and completely in shock about the fact that he would confront me like this, but I couldn't expect any less from a ruthless business man. "Ootor-san, I completely understand your concerns about me. If I were you, I'd have the very same ones. Your son is seeing someone viewed as unstable in many ways. However, I've been clean for almost a year now, and I plan to keep it that way. I'm working very hard in my recovery, and trying my best to get better. I want to get better for myself. I want to be a woman your son can be proud of. I also want you to know that I would be more than happy to consider business dealings with you in the future once I take over the company. Thank you, for being so kind and allowing me to carry on a relationship with Kyouya. I will do everything in my power to make sure you will never feel the need to take anything, including him away from me."

He nodded to me, giving me a bow when the song was over, ending our conversation.

"What did he say to you," Kyouya asked after his father left me.

"He had a few choice words for me. He wanted to make sure I knew that he knew about me, and he wouldn't tolerate any slip ups on my part, of course. If I do, he promised that we wouldn't be together," I answered.

"Damn him," Kyouya hissed. "Don't listen to him. I don't care what he says. I'll be with you no matter what. He can stay out of my business." He kissed me, earning a couple of shocked stares from the club.

"Kyouya! When did this happen?!" Tamaki asked, interrupting us.

"Just tonight," I answered with a smile on my face.

"It's about time," The twins said in unison.

I rolled my eyes at all of them. I was happy the way things had turned out tonight. It seemed like nothing could get me down. It seemed like everything was finally going my way.

 **A/N: I'm probably going to do a time skip further ahead than anything I've done so far. I think it's pretty important to the story at this point. It makes sense to me anyway. Hopefully it doesn't seem like I rushed them being together!**


	7. Chapter 7

Life seemed to move as it usually did. The news of Kyouya and I being together stayed within the Host Club, not wanting his reputation as a host plummet. I was happy to keep the secret all to myself, and he seemed content to do so. When we were alone, it was like he was making up for the hours we weren't touching each other. As soon as the door to the car closed, his hand always found mine and he always gave me a sweet kiss. I thought it was cute how he treated me so tenderly, especially in private. My brother had taken the news well, not saying much about it aside from the fact that he trusted Kyouya to treat me well.

Although, life seemed to take an unexpected turn, as it usually did. After school I was packing up my things to get ready to leave for the day when one of my classmates approached my desk. I was sure it was one of the girls who had talked about me in the past, but I smiled at her when she stopped in front of me. I half expected a confrontation, but that didn't happen.

"Eri-san, the girls and I were wondering if you'd maybe want to come to a party at my house this weekend. My parents are out of town and it's just going to be us girls. We thought maybe you'd want to join us," She said cheerfully.

I stared at her in stunned silence for a second. "Mino-san, right?" I asked and proceeded upon her approving nod. "Uh well, I'm not sure. I'd have to check with my brother. He can be a little strict sometimes. I don't know if he'll be too happy about there being no supervision."

She shook her head. "The maids will be there! So technically there would be supervision. He wouldn't have to worry about a thing! Oh! And it's a sleep over so make sure you bring your things. Just let me know after school tomorrow, ok?"

"Sure, I'll talk to him tonight," I said as she smiled and walked back to her group of friends.

Kyouya walked up to me, his bag in hand as he eyed me curiously. "What was that about?" He asked.

"I was invited to a party. A slumber party no less. I'm not sure how to take that," I answered as we headed out the door.

"Do you want to go?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I mean I guess I kind of do so I can have friends outside of the host club and everything. I just feel like I should be waiting for something bad to happen. I suppose the worst thing they could do to me is make fun of me and maybe beat me up."

He shook his head with a small smile. "Mino-san comes from a good family. Her friends are no exception. I doubt anything like that would happen to you. You should go. It might do you some good to hang out with some girls every once in a while."

I nodded. "Hopefully I get approval from Ichiro. I don't know if he's going to be too happy about the fact that her parents aren't going to be home."

"I'll be there when you talk to him. I'll let him know that it should be a safe situation for you."

* * *

The weekend rolled around the party was an ever present worry in my mind. Ichiro had been ok with me going after Kyouya had let him know that the girls were from good families, and I should be ok. The girls had constantly come up to during breaks and after school to talk about all of the things we were going to do, the movies we would watch, the snacks she would have. I was nervous about it, but I was also excited. This would be my first party that didn't involve drugs. I hoped that a normal slumber party would do me some good. Maybe I was on my way to make quick friends with these girls. They'd seemed nice enough.

The driver pulled up to Mino-san's house and dropped me off. I told him I'd call if there were any problems and needed to be picked up. I rang the doorbell and was greeted by all the girls at once. They excitedly pulled me inside, and had me throw my things in the living room where they were all set up. They shoved me into the bathroom to get changed into my PJ's and then the party really seemed to start. We played board games, talked about the boys in our class that we liked (of course, I didn't tell them Kyouya and I were together, just said that I had a bit of a crush on him), and even watched a movie. The maids bid up goodnight and that's when the party took a turn.

After they had gone back to the servants quarters, Mino-san ran off upstairs for a few minutes before coming back down and pulling a bag out from behind her back. I knew what was in that bag immediately upon seeing the powder in it. My drug of choice, how could I not recognize it? I stared, unable to move, or even breathe. I couldn't believe this was happening. How had a bunch of rich girls gotten their hands on coke? I didn't even know what I should do in this situation. They didn't prepare you for this in meetings, and I hadn't even talked to my therapist about this being a thing. I didn't think anyone at school would ever put me in this kind of a bind.

"Alright girls, now the real party can start!" She said with a laugh as she put the bag down on the table and went to the liquor cabinet.

"Hey, Eri-chan are you ok?" One of the girls I asked.

How did I answer that? Hey I'm an addict and I can't be around that stuff? I didn't know what to say. Mino-san came back and handed me a bottle and handed off the other one while she prepped the coke and started making lines. I passed the bottle off without opening it, staring at her hands making sloppy lines. I couldn't help but think how much cleaner mine would have been if she had given that task to me.

An aching hunger seemed to rise in my blood as I watched her. I hadn't felt this way since I had struggled to find my fix. It was like a sleeping beast had awoken inside of me, ready to pounce on its prey. The girls didn't really seem to notice my behavior as a bottle found its way back into my lap. I took a drink, hardly able to take my eyes off the drugs. I contemplated leaving, unsure of whether or not I should stay, but one line wouldn't hurt, right? I'd be ok. I wouldn't rick hurting myself or anything along those lines. I'd be perfectly fine if I just did one and never touched it after that. I could do that, I was strong enough to do that. I told myself I'd be able to keep it together after that.

She passed around a cut up straw as we all took turns doing a line. I patiently waited. The straw was given to me, and I walked over to the table, hoping I didn't look like something possessed. The girls were already high off their asses laughing, barely able to hold themselves together. I wanted to scoff at their behavior. Clearly they didn't do this often enough to know how to keep their shit right. I snorted the line quickly, feeling that burn in my nose and sighed with relief. I hadn't realized just how… depraved I'd felt until that moment. I put the straw down and laid back on the floor, feeling the drug hit my system. That glorious euphoria over took me, and I knew everything was going to be ok. I could get away with doing some coke for a night, it wouldn't be so bad.

I don't remember much after that first line, but I woke up the next morning feeling like hell. Mino-san quickly put the bottles back in the cabinet and looked at the table. There was still quite a bit of coke left over and she wasn't sure what to do with it.

"I don't know, should I get rid of it?" She asked as she looked around.

"I'll take it and flush it if you're worried. I have my own bathroom and no one really goes in there, so if anything goes wrong I can cover for us," I lied smoothly.

"Eri-chan that would be great! Are you sure you don't mind?" She asked

I shook my head. "Not at all! No one will ever know!"

I was a liar. Not only to her but to myself.

I snuck away to the bathroom and did some more before I finally packed my things and called the driver. I had made an attempt to make myself look normal. I didn't bother trying to change my clothes, though. I was just going back home, and I was planning on getting a shower.

When I walked through the door, I headed straight up to my room. I threw my bag down, digging through it to find the drugs. I did more as I stashed it under the bed and got ready for my shower. I kept telling myself that once the bag was gone, I'd be fine. I wouldn't have to worry about it. I would be able to quit easily once I finished off that bag. There wasn't much left, and I knew it would be gone by the days end. After that, no more drugs. I wouldn't touch anything else, and I told myself I wouldn't be going to anymore sleep overs with Mino-san again.

After I dressed and brushed my hair, I realized I wanted more. I sat down at the desk, getting ready when my phone rang. It was Kyouya.

"Hey, how was the slumber party?" He asked as I chopped up the drug, making sure all of the powder was nice and fine.

"It was great! I had a lot of fun!" I answered.

"Think maybe you made some new friends?"

"Yes! Well, I'm hoping so anyway."

"What on earth is that noise?" He asked, I froze as if he was able to see through the phone.

"Oh sorry!" I laughed. "I was tapping my pencil on my desk. I just sat down to do homework, and I was thinking about one of the problems I was looking at."

"Math?" He asked with a chuckle.

"You know me so well. I'm gonna get off here, though so I can maybe tackle some of this work. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Of course. If you need any help just call me."

"I will! Bye!"

We hung up and I felt so bad at the feeling of relief that flooded through me. I'd never been so eager to get him off the phone before. I did my line and stashed the drugs back under my bed. I was turning into the shitty person I was before without even realizing what was happening. I kept telling myself I would quit, but I think deep down I wasn't going to stop on my own. I was already having a problem, and refused to see it when it started. I knew I should have left that party when those drugs were rolled out, but I so badly wanted to make new friends that I stayed and played along. They didn't know what my drug of choice was. I didn't expect them to. It was a horrible coincidence that was slowly taking a horrible turn.

* * *

That week I had managed to get the contact info from Mino-san about where she'd bought her drugs. I had my in. I had a dealer, and he was close enough that I could walk to his house without the slightest suspicion. All I had to do was get the money from my account. My brother gave me so much money every week in case I needed something, mostly for school, but I never touched it. I had quite a bit saved up and knew I would be ok to support my habit for a while. I hadn't stopped like I told myself I would. I kept buying more and more as the weeks wore on. I could tell Kyouya and my brother were starting to see a change in me, but they didn't know what it was. I tried my hardest to act as normal as I could, but that wasn't as easy as one would think.

I was back to barely eating, just saying that I hadn't been hungry, or I'd eaten a snack before dinner, causing my appetite to plummet. That was weird for me. I always ate dinner with Ichiro, but lately, I hadn't been. I couldn't force myself to eat. I wasn't hungry. I'd lost weight the last time I was on drugs, and I knew I was losing it again. I had toast for breakfast every morning, and I knew that wasn't enough to sustain a body. I had even quit going to meetings. A part of me felt guilty about starting back up again. I didn't want to jeopardize anyone else's sobriety. I hadn't even told my therapist about my habits again. I wanted to tell someone, but I was afraid of the reactions I would get, I was afraid I would lose everything, and I was mostly afraid of losing Kyouya. I knew the consequences of my actions, but when I was high, I didn't care.

The biggest clue to me acting funny came when my brother had to go out of town for the weekend. Kyouya came over as usual, but I had other plans in mind. Of course, I was high when he came over and the funny thing about coke was that it made you more sexual. He was laying next to me, watching a movie like we usually did on Saturdays, but I couldn't stop staring at him. He wore a regular t-shirt and jeans, but he looked so irresistible to me in that moment that I couldn't stop myself. I started putting my hands under his shirt, rubbing his chest and kissing his neck. He didn't seem to pay me any mind at first, but after a couple of minutes and some nibbling, he finally paid attention to me.

"What has gotten in to you?" He chuckled and kissed me.

"What do you think as gotten in to me? I'm trying to seduce you, duh," I answered as he grabbed his face and kissed him.

We both managed to get our shirts off before he stopped.

"Wait, stop." He put his hands on my shoulders and gently pushed me away.

"What? Is something wrong?" I asked.

"I just… you've been acting strangely lately and I'm a little concerned. I don't want to go further if there's something wrong. I don't want to do this and have you regret it later."

"Kyouya, I'm fine. There's nothing wrong."

"Eri, I can't help but notice your behavior lately. It's changed from what it used to be."

I stopped and stared at him, feeling hurt and anger bubble up in my chest. "So you're telling me that you don't want me? Is that it?"

"No! No! I do want you, that very clearly is not an issue," He said gesturing to his jeans.

"But there has to be a problem. You're pushing me away."

"Let's just wait. Maybe you should talk to your therapist and make sure there isn't some underlaying issues that you should tackle before we do anything else."

I didn't speak for a minute. It felt like he had punched me in the chest. "Yes, let me go ahead and clear it with my therapist and make sure I'm sane enough to have sex with you!" I yelled before grabbing my shirt and pulling it back over my head. "You know what, just leave."

"Eri, please. This is what I'm talking about. You're acting irrationally and lashing out." He had a pleading tone to his voice, but I couldn't bring myself to hear what he had to say.

"I told you to leave!" I felt tears sting my eyes, unable to look at him that moment.

He got up, put his shirt back on, and called his driver. He left the room, most likely going to wait downstairs.

I couldn't help but cry. I locked my bedroom door and grabbed the knife out of my nightstand and made a nice, long cut on my arm. I breathed a sigh of relief before grabbed the drugs out from under the mattress and doing more of those. I heard the front door close, and knew he'd left. I felt terrible for kicking him out, but I couldn't ask him to come back now. Not in the state I was in. I'd let him go and call him the next day to apologize.

* * *

The next morning I woke up to find out that it wasn't really morning after all. When I checked my phone to see I had four missed calls from Kyouya and two from Ichiro. I decided to call Ichiro first, just in case my conversation with Kyouya took longer than expected. He had just wanted to tell me he'd be home that evening and wanted to make sure that I was ok. Once I was done talking to him, I dreaded calling Kyouya. I knew that was going to be a conversation I didn't want to have. I took a deep breath and called anyway.

"Can we talk?" He said as soon as he picked up.

"Yeah, I wanted to apologize for yesterday," I said.

"It's ok. Just please tell me if there's something going on."

I was silent for a minute. "I think it's just stress, and I'm sorry I acted the way I did. School is getting tougher, and it's getting down to the wire. We have to start thinking about college and it's all just getting to me."

"Are you sure that's the only thing going on? You're hardly eating lunch, and I doubt you're eating dinner either. You barely eat when I come over. You've been ridiculously confrontational with me too. It's like you're trying to start fights with me on purpose. I'm not trying to make your life harder for you. I'm trying to make it easier."

"I know you are, and I'm so sorry! I haven't even realized I was doing that. I haven't been sleeping well, and I'm pretty sure it's all just stress. I feel like I'm under so much pressure and I have to do so much better than what's expected of me. It's just really getting to me."

I heard him sigh. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to do everything I can to help you. If there's anything you need, please just let me know."

"Of course. I'll try and get better. I'll talk to my therapist about it this week and maybe she can help me deal with the stress," I told him.

Of course that was a lie. Everything I told him was a huge lie. I felt like the world's biggest piece of shit for lying to the one person that cared so much about me. I cared about him too much to tell him the truth. How do you even tell someone that? Hey, I started doing drugs again, help me? I didn't think that would do well over the phone. I knew I had to do something, I just wasn't sure what. I wasn't sure I would be able to get those words out. I knew if I didn't stop soon, things would get out of hand, and it would get ugly. The only problem was. I didn't know how to fix the problem I'd started. I didn't know how to stop on my own. I didn't think I'd have the self control to do it.

When we hung up, I pulled my drugs out from under the mattress and looked at them. I contemplated for a minute tossing them down the toilet, but I knew I wouldn't be able to do that on my own. I didn't even know who to tell to get help. I could always try going to my group, but I was afraid they would judge me instead of helping. I feared the looks people would give me if they found out.

 **A/N: I've been forgetting to put the breaks in when I upload. I went back and fixed all of it, hoping that it flows a little better now. I feel like the breaks are important and I've been neglecting to go back and put them in. For whatever reason, the upload manager on here doesn't show my breaks when I write, so I have to go back in and find them. Then again, half the time when I upload its about 2 in the morning or later and I'm extremely tired and ready for bed lol. As always, thank you to those that are following, and thank you to my review! I greatly appreciate it, and please keep doing it!**


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